i just
want to do
something
with my hands

embroidery
or sewing
beading
or cross-stitch

i’d try crochet
or knotting up friendship bracelets
at this point i’d give wire jewelry-making a go

but my brain
when i sit down
with supplies
and a project in mind
it gives no explanation
but simply says
no

so my hands fidget
and my body holds in the pressure
of anxiety about to explode
but my depression-ridden brain
becomes its own worst enemy
it laughs in the face of my wants and desires
and it only
ever says
no
no
no
no
no