my muscle-system contracts
and aches
and doesn’t quite pulse with pain
but it’s getting close
and there are no cramps
but damn
i might prefer such a thing
because at least a cramp can go away
and this tendon trouble
or maybe it’s muscle
i have no idea
but it stays
and stays
and sticks around
and i want to know what’s actually good for it — rest?
recovery?
light exercise?
heavy?
more reps?
less with larger weights?
what will help my body feel like
it’s actually working together
instead of against itself
all the damn time???
Author: HJ
August 29, 2026
blocked driveway
day
after day
after day, not always the same
car, but damn… do they not see the orange
tickets on yesterday’s sedans? do they not see
me exiting and entering in my own little blue vehicle?
do they not see the curb ending?
do they only see the overgrown-ness to our outside plants
and the other houses in the area that have converted
old garages to apartments and rooms and assume? or do they just see
a space away from construction signs and other cars
and think ‘thank goodness’ and then
that’s that?
maybe it’s time to put out a sign that says
‘do not block driveway’
or ‘active driveway’ or something like that
but i’m not convinced
they’ll even see that
if they haven’t seen
any of these many other indicators
in the past…
August 28, 2026
of course it’s when avoiding one thing
that i’m finally in the mood to do
another long avoided task
is that human nature?
is that the trauma?
is that maybehd?
could it be
all three?
August 27, 2026
my body
likes rest
but not too much
not too much
and it likes working and stretching
but not overly so
and i know
i know
i know that nearly every body
benefits from moderation
in damn near everything
but
damn
i feel like my body is a little more finicky
about where exactly that moderation starts
and ends
and excess
begins
August 26, 2026
the stress
and the stress of the partial resolution
what will happen with the real resolution
[or will there even be one at all?]
[and if so, how much more stressful
will it be? will i get? will get me?]
i wish i could react to stress
intelligently
but instead i go from my version of zero stress
[which is still pretty damn stressed]
to so stressed i can hardly move/breathe/deal with the stress at hand
and somehow the stress is resolved
or not
and we move on
and it cycles all over again
and i never learn to act quickly
i never learn that i still survive even with all this stress inside
i never learn that the cycle is already approaching
and my body will react the way it reacts
i never learn
i never learn
i never learn
August 25, 2026
i slept last night in a room
so cold
the a/c unit [set to 70] turned itself
off
it got cold enough that it
felt it had done its job
[and i know, i know,
i have friends who are overheated
until the thermostat reads lower than 68
but let me tell you, anything below 74 and i am
straight up shivering]
and so i slept with a little hat on
my go-to hat for wintertimes
when my head and ears need covering
but i didn’t want to cover up the beautiful rainbow
that my hair was
[but is not anymore]
and that rainbow hat
tamed my wild full head of cowlick down
to sit flat against my forehead
and ears
and neck
and not look completely foolish
and i don’t know how i feel about this particular look
[just as i don’t know how to feel about
this particular haircut]
but hey
i’m trying things
and i’m letting the situation lead me;
so if today is a flat head of hair day
because circumstances were such that
i actually needed to sleep in a hat last night
[and i always suspected hat-sleeping would lead to
this hair-flattening]
then today
is a flat head of hair day
we’re just going with the flow
in general
but in particular with hair
[philosophizing
but really, it’s the practical matters
that sometimes need the poetizing]
August 24, 2026
stop
getting distracted
by internet things
stop
distancing yourself from life
with silly video games
stop
avoiding things you actually want to do
by half-assedly doing basically any [and every] thing else
why can’t you just do
what you actually
truly want to do???
August 23, 2026
i’m so curious
if it’s a universal experience
to have a tiny internal voice
constantly telling you all the things
you’ve done wrong
or just are
that are wrong
day in and day out
and as one grows, it doesn’t go away
it simply is able to be drowned out a bit more
and a bit more
with the experiences and knowledge and
voices of loved ones
or if that’s only a universal experience
of those of us with depression and/or anxiety
thoughts?
August 22, 2026
can’t sit like a normal human
even though that would probably cause me
less pain
[but nothing is zero pain,
so
i might as well sit like a
curmugeon-y ghost gremlin
while i can
just to make sure my body doesn’t
disintegrate due to
boredom]
August 21, 2026
we each have inside ourselves
a whole universe
of old inside jokes
and references to references
and stories we need for context
for other stories
and when meeting people
i don’t know if i’d be able to catch up on
everything
but i can at least see the most up-to-date moments
and stories
and get some highlights
and context
and i love that about people
[everyone has so many stories to tell]
~
that whole poem came out of
the concept of
“the hj cinematic universe”
[for context]
kipventures 