June 10, 2026

no sleep
no life outside of theatre
breaking out all over my face
insomnia
all day every day inside a dark black box
sitting
then running around
then sitting again
no lights then bright lights
quiet
and too much sound
the senses are jarred awake
in jarring
but lovely ways

i still don’t know who i am half the time
nor how i fit in to society/how others perceive me
but at least i generally feel at home in the theatre

[even with everything it brings
damn
do i feel at home in a theatre]

June 9, 2026

nothing
is for certain

everything
is random

but some things have a logic to them
that can be predicted —

success and family wealth
diet and exercise and general future health
queerness and hairstyle
etc.
etc.
etc.

predicted
but not for certain

because nothing
nothing
nothing
is for certain

[didn’t you read the beginning of this poem?]

June 8, 2026

our yard is so green
and the spring and summer are battling each other
for who gains control
every day
and i’m spending a majority of my time
in a tiny
dark
theater

and yet, i rarely feel more like myself
than when trapped
in tiny
dark
theaters
all day long

June 7, 2026

i forgot
i forgot
i forgot how much time
theatre takes

not that i’m mad about it
[it does occupy my mind
in a way little else does]
but
i forgot that it takes me away
from my favorite kip
my favorite spouse
and i don’t enjoy them
feeling
abandoned

at least we can laugh about it

[and someday i’ll get to be home
for longer than
the time it takes
to sleep and wake up and have breakfast and leave]

June 5, 2026

doing twenty million things at once

i honestly don’t know if it’s good for me
or terrible
or i’m terrible at it
or even kinda ok to maybe good

but i can tell it’s kinda my default
[like chaos]
and maybe i should just find ways
to encourage what works
and have failsafes
for what
doesn’t

June 4, 2026

why
why
why must i keep waking up
in the 5:00 hour
when i don’t actually need to be getting out of bed
until 7am?

is it the sunlight? is it the stress? is it my body craving more time in the day?
is it the heat? is it the animals? is it my to-do list screaming me awake?
is it dehydration? overhydration? is it the caffeine coursing through my veins?

how much how much how much is my body in charge
vs. the external situation(s)
vs. me

June 1, 2026

waiting
[im]patiently for the bagels to arrive

i’m hungry

but more than that
i’m worried i cannot start my day
until i’ve had my sacred little
bagel
cream cheese
coffee
and stardew valley
time of day

May 31, 2026

watching our monstera grow
upwards
outwards
and
downwards

the roots spread as far
if not farther
than the stems and leaves and fenestrations themselves
searching for more soil
to vine across the ground

i wish i could give you twelve pots in a row,
little monstera,
to feed your searching
climbing
down

but for now, i suppose i’ll
let the root dangle
and see if you find anything
interesting
in this indoor living space
you’re stuck inside