big changes ahead
but way far ahead
too far ahead
(will they ever come true ahead)

but i’m usually itching to change
or so fearful it hurts
but right now everything feels…
…
…
…
…shifty
(is that the right word?
i was originally going to go with ‘stale’
but that’s usually what it feels like
when i desire the change,
but ‘content’ isn’t right either,
i’d be happy to change
or happy to stay,
i think it feels like there are things in flux
that i am not yet aware of
that maybe i can follow a path
that is being set for me as of right now
(though
as i write this
i know
i’m stubborn
and contrary
and i’ve never followed a pre-determined path in my life
[except when it comes to recipes]
i don’t know how to align
the alignment
i feel like i need to do more research
into myself)
maybe,
the path that’s being set
is my own?)

(if only…)