change

July 7, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i had been wondering
for a long time
whether or not i should actually
have the rainbow

if it was too juvenile
if it was too gay
in a country where gayness is coming back to meaning
bad
if i would be a target
if it was actually sparking joy in me
anymore

and so i shaved my head

and i think i now know
that i do want the rainbow

but that doesn’t mean i regret this

nor does it mean i won’t enjoy the finely buzzed hairs
tickling my hands every time i run them all over
my entire head

nor does it mean i won’t enjoy
the shock and awe of every person
i didn’t warn

i wanted to know if i would look good bald
[or as close as i could get without
shaving cream and a true razor]

and i think i do

but i think i don’t look like me

so we’ll let it grow out a bit
and shape the flop on top in a way
that hopefully i won’t be accidentally cutting into it
every month’s buzzing day

and then after a few month’s time
it should be long enough
to have a rainbow again

and by that time, i think i’ll probably have forgotten
exactly how much stress it is
to re-dye and keep bright and re-dye and keep bright and
i might just survive another nine years [give or take] with
a rainbow flop of hair atop my head

but for now

baldy/aang/baby buzz it is

[if only my spouse could still recognize me!]

June 29, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i’m feeling
a
type
of
way
and i don’t necessarily know
what type of way that is
but at least i know why

change
and staying the same

change is
show ending
kip starting a brand new job
[that, granted, is not in france
but still, a big change]
change is
going back to things
circus
friendships
that may have paused
while i was so damn busy
change is
fixing up the house into something i
might want to make [and perhaps film]
physical projects inside
[and make room to have it so that
kip feels at home in our home
as well/still]

and staying the same is
having a mess
as usual
and being too open for my own damn good
and not knowing how to interact in social
[and non-social] situations…
i wish there was an instruction manual for living
[but, let’s be honest, would i follow it?
or would i deem it too ‘societally normative’ and
literally and/or figuratively throw it out the window
or
or
would i want a societal manual just to decide
what is for me and what is not?
and that begs the question
even if i read
and intended
to follow, would i actually be able to
or would i still fall back into
what i know/feel best
which is how i act
and i just am who i am
and that’s all that i can be
and i needn’t be worrying myself so
about all of this?]

and the conclusion of this poem is that
change happens
and sameness happens
and there are no instructions for life because
we are all just who we are
and that is all we [probably] ever will be

and that is ok.

June 11, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

sometimes
i need to remind myself
that i needn’t set out to change minds

when i write from my own soul
no certain goal in my mind
that’s when others’ are impacted
and yes, sometimes, changed

[but what if the mind i need to change
is my own?]

May 3, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i don’t know how to stop my kip
from staring at their phone
reading the terrible news
and feeling worse
and worse
and worse
as the hours go by

because

if left to my own devices

i would stare at my phone
and watch videos of
on the ground tragedies
and feel worse
and worse
and worse
as the hours go by

and neither of us feeling worse
will change the things happening
halfway across the world
or right in our own backyard

we need to fill our cups
and have the hope
and energy
to put forth change
that will help
others
and ourselves

but
how
how
how
when everything feels so important
and hopeless
in the palms of our
hands?

March 17, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i wish i wish i wish
i could make consumerism
and capitalism
truly passé
just from saying so
in a poem only i will probably see

perhaps it is so
for me
and i can spread it outwards
from my words and experiences
into my daily life and conversations
and someday
i’ll have helped
make it so

February 22, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

there are some things that seem like they’ll last forever
not just systems and parents
but paths to and from
places you go daily
weekly
yearly
and walls you wake up next to
and even the face staring back from the
mirror in front of you
but when they say the only things constant are change
they mean it
they mean it

November 7, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

keep writing
keep protesting
keep donating
keep impacting
the way you can impact.
and if you feel you can’t
take a moment to grieve that track
and look for backroads
into movements
and remember — the smallest impact
isn’t small at all
if a living being feels
cared for.

May 31, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

there’s a feeling
deep
in the pit of my stomach
and i can’t figure out
if it’s
Change
or Apprehension
or Jealousy
or what

but it’s there
and the faster i try to flee from it
the harder it holds on

so
perhaps
this is simply my companion
for the next few hours/
days/
weeks/
months

and i suppose i’ll try to make it an okay home