queer

November 18, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

kip and i have been adding
“for the resistance”
to the end of any task we do
because keeping our
queer
mentally ill
trans
asses
alive
is 100% part of the resistance

so we are making bagels
for the resistance
and taking lovely walks
for the resistance
and playing video games
for the resistance
and writing poetry
for the resistance
and loving each other
for the resistance
and loving ourselves
for the resistance

it is resisting everyone who says we don’t belong
on this planet
that clearly holds us close
and loves us
that we do
for the
resistance

June 30, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i suppose i could/should write a poem
about this past pride month
and all its craziness
and what it’s meant to me…

but i think i need to absorb it
and put it to bed
[or at least let it nap]
before either of us are ready
to assess how i feel
about how this hectic
time of rainbows and shows
and running around and barely breathing
and nervousness and new experiences
and wholesome friendships
went

so…
one of these days
when it’s no longer june
i’ll write about it

May 30, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

it’s always interesting to me
to see loud queers in the wild.

while it no longer feels as it did in the
early 2000’s—
where each tiny indication
screamed so loudly
but only we could hear;
where acknowledging each other
on the street
seemed a sacred secret
shared by head nods
and the rare smile
at even rarer held hands.

these days there seems to be
more queer
than not queer
(at least here, in nyc)
but there’s still a moment
for rainbow hair
and rainbow Keith Haring button-up
to share
mutual
queer
joy
from across a crowded 1 train
and be completely delighted
by each other
through eye-crinkling smiles
(the kind seen even behind masks)
and hands making heart-shapes,
asl thank you’s,
and waves goodbye.

and i think that’s
beautiful.

May 19, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

theorizing
contemplating
mind-experimenting

camp
villains
trans
queer-coded
self-determination
everything’s a performance
let’s just have all the fun we can

[and someday tell our own stories
out
loud]

May 10, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the little skip/hop/beats of a heart
not hidden inside but shared with the spouse
new friends, exciting connections,
so stoked to spend time with each other again

a sacred queer friendship appears

February 14, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i haven’t really thought of
Valentine’s Day
in so long.

as a child it merely meant i’d probably get candy
that day
in school
(which, i’ll admit, was pretty cool).

as a teen,
highly aware of my own diverging sexuality,
i only saw loud reinforcements of
heteronormativity
and having that binaried bullshit shoved down my throat.

with Kip, the year they wooed me, they sent four presents
on one Valentine’s
(keep in mind we were not even officially dating at that point)
a song
a string of lights
a website
and origami roses.

and yes, we used to go to the melting pot,
or grab oysters,
or have some sort of dinner;
but COVID and coziness
and now our Valentimes look more like any other time.
but i don’t worry
because we still get excited in the morning to say
“Happy Valentine’s Day!!!”
to each other

December 20, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

ten years ago
i
was bored at my home

ten years ago
i
felt community thirty minutes away
(at a college i never attended)

ten years ago
i
called out to my friends to see
if anyone would be
excited for me
to come hang out that evening

ten years ago
i
happened to [re-]meet the love of my life
and this time we were both ready
available
and actually looking
pondering each other for
conquest
and connection

but

it is not this day that we count
as our official anniversary

ten years ago today
was a preamble
a flirtation
a stuttering step towards
a beginning

tomorrow
will be the actual anniversary:
that post-midnight
that coming together
that “end of the world”
that, even if it did actually end,
and this is all a simulation in someone else’s head,
at least we got a chance to meet and be together
ten years ago
the best thing that ever happened to me
was
you

and for the past ten years
that has continued
to be
true

October 24, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i wonder
if my mother
would have been great
at getting my pronouns
right

would she have stood up for me
at family gatherings
corrected people
when i wasn’t near
would she have been
the ally
i needed
to come out
with a bang
instead of this subtle
exhausting
whispered
coming out
over
and over
and over
again
every time
a ‘she’ is uttered
or a ‘ladies’ is announced
or any of those microaggressions
my gender dysphoria
insists
are actual aggression

i don’t know
i wish i knew
but i really don’t

she was an ally of all queer folks she knew
(I know 100% she’d have been to my wedding
would have celebrated like the world was ending
when she knew mine was just beginning
because that’s just the way she was)
but gender is somehow harder
and the in-between confuses even the best
of allies
and i don’t want to put her up on a pedestal
nor do i want to underestimate her devotion
to a me she never got to see

i only knew her for eleven and three quarters years
and i have memories of less
she is both the person i was closest to
and the biggest mystery of my life

and i just wish
i could guess
what it would be like
to have her
stand up
for me