July 7, 2026

i had been wondering
for a long time
whether or not i should actually
have the rainbow

if it was too juvenile
if it was too gay
in a country where gayness is coming back to meaning
bad
if i would be a target
if it was actually sparking joy in me
anymore

and so i shaved my head

and i think i now know
that i do want the rainbow

but that doesn’t mean i regret this

nor does it mean i won’t enjoy the finely buzzed hairs
tickling my hands every time i run them all over
my entire head

nor does it mean i won’t enjoy
the shock and awe of every person
i didn’t warn

i wanted to know if i would look good bald
[or as close as i could get without
shaving cream and a true razor]

and i think i do

but i think i don’t look like me

so we’ll let it grow out a bit
and shape the flop on top in a way
that hopefully i won’t be accidentally cutting into it
every month’s buzzing day

and then after a few month’s time
it should be long enough
to have a rainbow again

and by that time, i think i’ll probably have forgotten
exactly how much stress it is
to re-dye and keep bright and re-dye and keep bright and
i might just survive another nine years [give or take] with
a rainbow flop of hair atop my head

but for now

baldy/aang/baby buzz it is

[if only my spouse could still recognize me!]

June 28, 2026

Pride

not a sin
not a parade
not an opportunity to buy rainbow things
not just a march
not just a month
not just a gathering of community much needed
but
a vibe shift
another word for joy
a holding society through a season of change
a riot
a protest
a holding society’s feet to the fire when it comes to what is deemed
acceptable
and what is not
a lifeline
a party
but only if all are included together
a personal curiosity
a way to show support and empathy
a reconfiguring of societal acceptance
no longer as what is wanted
but as our society
holding the power
and saying to the “majority”
you cannot cannot cannot make decisions
for the most downtrodden —
it is morally reprehensible when the most alone of us
are not
lifted
up

Pride is a way to lift each other up

and if that is not what is happening
i want no part in it

[if you are in the nyc area, go march in the
Queer Liberation March
today]

May 21, 2026

the pull to listen to
my high-school-age sound-track
is so damn strong

helping to direct a play
set in 2003
in two boys’ high school careers
and high school emotions
and high school coming-outs
[comings-out?]

it reminds me so highly
of my own story in
2006

the first love
[though mine did not last]
[thank goodness]
the self-hatred and
fear of the world
as you find your own footing
in your own community
[though my church was not a christian one]
even as that shifts to a different community
perhaps a community
of two

“we’re keeping it alive”
“what?”
“each other”

is one of the truest moments
i’ve ever heard on the page

and i hope it still rings so true
to a public audience
on the stage

May 5, 2026

drink water
stay hydrated
don’t forget
don’t dehydrate

advice
from one probably-adhd, nonbinary, depressed and anxious millennial queer
to another

March 31, 2026

i am visibly queer
i am visibly queer
sometimes i wish i was more
visibly trans
but other folks have their ideas
of what nonbinary-ness “should” look like
and, while androgyny is fun for some occasions
and wardrobe vestments
i think it leaves something to be desired
[i.e. imagination]
to have the only way to be
not taken in by either gender
is to cultivate a look that is “in between”
[but more often masculine, because that’s the
“default” in a patriarchal society, and i’m not playing out my gender
to play into society, i’m outing myself as a way to
get my way
the fuck
out
of
society]

[but i digress]

i am visibly queer
to allow other trans and queer folks
to see me
and know they’re
not alone

i’m visibly queer
because it makes me feel
the most at home
in my own skin
and my own identity

i’m visibly queer
also as a form of
solidarity
to those friends around me
who cannot turn off
or cover up
the melanin in their skin
or the angle of their eyes
or the accent with which they speak
or even my fellow trans folks who could not sit silently
in uncomfortable skin, so then
spent years making their own gender expression
just for some ass to say they don’t “pass” the way
that one person expects them to…

i cannot sit by while my compatriots in this fight against hate
have no ability to run away from or hide or go stealth inside
the exact parts of themselves that others
would attack them for

so why should i hide my own
queerness?

i need to stand tall
in my weird fashion and buzzed sides and rainbow hair
and loud loud queerness echoing from inside
this is me and i represent me
and i represent all who can’t or don’t feel safe being as visibly themselves
as i can be

and i can be

so i am

i am visibly queer
because i can be

i am visibly queer
because i am

and that is all that matters.

the end.

March 28, 2026

i say gay
in relation to everything
not in the way i grew up with it
as a synonym for “stupid” for “gross” for “bad”
but as a loving reaction
meaning
“awww!”
meaning
“love”
meaning
“i’m part of this in group and i adore it so much”
meaning
“odd and weird, and i am so proud of being odd and weird myself”
meaning
“yep, that’s true”
meaning
“well, now it’s almost mundane,
but that’s better than it ever was
in early 2000’s high school name-calling”
meaning
“i’ve embraced it so much, we’ve come out the other side
and once again, we’re calling everything
gay
but with rainbows and goodness and love this time!”

January 24, 2026

the swell of the smell of
baking bread
with the spices still entwined
in the ridges and lines
of my hands

[the morning between
an economic blackout day
and a snow day]
[we can be a cozy, homey couple
when we want to be]

November 17, 2025

nails painted
the day after the wedding,
so they don’t necessarily fit
the color scheme of the bridal party ‘fits,
but it does feel like
a week-long homage to a lovely wedding
a lovely day
and a lovely kind of love

[congrats, my protégays,
on your beautiful bug gay wedding]

October 17, 2025

damn
this performance just
snuck
right
up

i suppose it makes sense
what with
everything
else
going
on

but

i get to perform

i get to back-up dance

i get to watch my friends perform

and i get to co-host

[which is technically not an entirely new thing
for me, but the last time it happened was like
over ten years ago now, and i have almost no
memory of it, so it feels brand spanking new]

if you are near purchase, new york, why not stop on by
[tickets are free!]

https://www.ticketleap.events/tickets/queeryus/out-and-proud-a-ndod-celebration