wearing my Grandmama’s jean jacket shirt,
the one that was probably too big for her, too,
with a stain on the pocket that she hid with some cool embroidery —
a design around the initial she went by
[her full name was “Mary Jane” but she went by “Jane”
for as long as any of us can remember]
and because i’ve started going by my initials,
i knew i could easily add a little “H” on one side
and a little “F” on the other of this giant “J”
and it would look intentional, like the rest of the design,
and i could claim this as my own —
and wear it not as a hand-me-down
from the Grandmama where i got my middle name, but as a
continuation of the lineage
of Jane
and J
and the art of embroidery
and family
and everything…
love
June 10, 2024
coat me in kisses
and realistic expectations
no pedestal for either of us
just love love love love
puppy love and married love
and tragic love and healing love
and compromising love and excited love
and family love and adventurous love
and every kind of love
that’s human
that has
a beginning and no end
April 11, 2024
watching Kip
the day before their birthday
assemble legos
and read fun facts and trivia
about the plants they are re-creating
with little plastic bricks
for me
is love
incarnate
April 2, 2024
in the middle of a very tough conversation
about the state of the world
and how terrible it is
and how sometimes we just want someone
[or something]
to blame,
and how that can easily take one into
conspiracy theory territory,
and what to do to actually
better
this terrible
world we’re living in —
we got on the subject of unions,
and how unionizing is one of two proven things
working within our system
that actually makes the peoples’ voice
louder
and have more power,
and i stop for a moment, and say “i love you.”
and kip asks why
[as they do]
and i respond “because you recommend that all workers under you
join or form
a union.”
my eyes still shining with love and adoration
at my manager of a spouse
[who can’t make or join a union, for conflict of interest reasons]
and they roll their eyes with love
and say
“that is the gayest
and most communist thing
you’ve ever said to me”
and i love them even more now.
December 23, 2023
as the numbers steadily approach
24
the day in december i used to see your face
every year
[along with others
along with others]
my heart hiccups
as i think about seeing you
and remembering i can’t,
not in its living form anymore
it’s a lost loss
one from far away
but so closely held in both of our hearts
you wrote so many letters
to so many people
but you always managed to write to me
and make me feel like i was the only one
i love you i loved you i love you
[this poem has no end
because grief
goes on and on]
October 12, 2023
i just wanted to say
how much i love my whole
family
true, they aren’t perfect
(but no one is)
and there is so much love
and listening
and care
here
Grandmama gave us that
Grandmama started it
and we continue it
onwards
June 10, 2023
touch gently
[with just one fingertip]
a whole life
with patience
with care
with love
with listening
with attention
with intention
and you’ll know what it is
to be
truly
human
and alive
May 30, 2023
it’s always interesting to me
to see loud queers in the wild.
while it no longer feels as it did in the
early 2000’s—
where each tiny indication
screamed so loudly
but only we could hear;
where acknowledging each other
on the street
seemed a sacred secret
shared by head nods
and the rare smile
at even rarer held hands.
these days there seems to be
more queer
than not queer
(at least here, in nyc)
but there’s still a moment
for rainbow hair
and rainbow Keith Haring button-up
to share
mutual
queer
joy
from across a crowded 1 train
and be completely delighted
by each other
through eye-crinkling smiles
(the kind seen even behind masks)
and hands making heart-shapes,
asl thank you’s,
and waves goodbye.
and i think that’s
beautiful.
May 13, 2023
meditate on love
coding
and community
what an anniversary!
April 17, 2023
being married
to your best friend
makes all your evenings
silly little sleepovers
kipventures 