May 6, 2026

as i write
and write and write
throughout my life
i wonder what it’s all about
who it’s all for

if it’s all for me, that seems
statistically
a little daft

for there are billions of
people on this planet of ours
and even more that have come before
and will join us
after we are all
gone

so to write for only one life
that feels
foolish

but again, the human condition is such that
writing truly and honestly
for yourself
often makes happenstance happen
and many many others
see themselves in your
words

so to write for others
in a way that makes others feel seen
you need not think of the others
[you must not think of the others]
else the writing comes off as
cliche
or trying to hard
or pandering to an audience

i can’t stop myself from thinking of an audience
even as i write these morning poems
daily
daily
daily
that i doubt even i could ever get through
on a re-read

i can’t help but wonder
if someone will love reading my words
with as much care and mild obsession
as i took writing them

[or is that not true — i’m not really careful
or obsessing
as i write these
every
single
morning — i’m flinging them
stanza by stanza
out into the ether
and hoping they catch the eye
of someone
who needs them]

May 5, 2026

drink water
stay hydrated
don’t forget
don’t dehydrate

advice
from one probably-adhd, nonbinary, depressed and anxious millennial queer
to another

May 4, 2026

kip
going out
doing things
meeting for dinners and
going to networking events
in the city

and me
going out
doing things
running friends around and
socializing and working outside of the house
going into [and out of] the city

we’re acting like
a couple of new yorkers!

[it only took the looming threat
of a move
and/or unemployment
to get us here]

May 3, 2026

breathe through
the pain
the panic
the day
the week
the month
the year
the administration
the takeover
the ugliness
the inhumanity
the world
the lifetime

[a life is meant to be lived
fully, not
breathed
through
until the end]

[if only those who made it this bad
did any meditation
of self-reflection
of their own damn actions]

May 2, 2026

remind me of my past
the parts i like, i mean
and hang out with me into the darkness
talking
reminiscing
reminding
planning
hoping
scheming
and gathering new memories
for later hangouts’ nostalgia

friendship is so important

but why does it make me so
nervous?

April 30, 2026

sounds
are waves
saying hi to your eardrums
and crashing into your brain
with melody
with emotion
with purpose

there’s a reason music brings folks together just just just right

April 29, 2026

ugh
stress
trying to be
professional
and feeling like
i’m failing
constantly

[everyone makes mistakes
everyone makes mistakes
everyone makes mistakes
the important part is to learn
from your
mistakes]

April 28, 2026

listening listening listening
to new music
to audiobooks
to the cars yelling at each other outside
to podcasts
to potential music
to my own thoughts
[and not wanting to run away screaming
or blare out with any other sound
my own thoughts, so that feels like growth]

but still

listening
listening
listening

observing
and collecting
and absorbing other people’s media

and maybe one day

making my own