speculation is a pastime
i can’t seem to
shake

following paths and decisions
and wondering what my life would be like today

there are countless eras of my life defined by
moments of madness
or one singular peak into logic

and i don’t actually want my life to be any different

but i do want to see
what it would be
with every choice changed

how many roads would be the same
how many would lead somewhere unrecognizable
to today’s me?

speculation is a pastime i
can’t seem to shake
and objective answers aren’t possible
but i can’t seem to let the possibility of
that
go

speculation
and reality truths
aren’t compatible

and yet they live
[rent free]
in my head at
all
damn
times

why can’t i just
be
in this time?