July 26, 2022

Poetry is not a luxury

i did not know Audre Lorde was the one who said this,
but she did

Poetry is not a luxury

it thought it meant it was not just for the upper crust
but a necessity for those without means
too
to fulfill artistic desires
inherent in human nature
for both survival
and for thriving

Poetry is not a luxury

she meant it as something more
as a necessity for communication
for the entirety of human species
but one that comes from
femininity

ok, she didn’t break it down like i do—
hers was the solid break
from men to women
from thought-based to art-based
from one solid half to another

but i think, had Audre Lorde been aware of
and exposed to
the identities we now know,
i think she would have given to the world
even more nuance—
the mixture of male and female
in all of us
and how two halves
are not half and half
and forever split
down the middle,
but how we can hold
the wholeness
in ourselves
and become a luxury
all on our
own

~~~~~~~~~
note: i am only two essays into to my copy of Sister Outsider–there may be new nuance coming, or thoughts on masculinity/femininity in each of us in poetry of hers, i just haven’t gotten to it in my reading
yet

July 24, 2022

i didn’t think i would,
but i
felt *something*
while observing
curtain call
at that broadway theater
yesterday afternoon.

a little something
was the show itself—
pushing boundaries,
addressing hard topics,
calling in and calling out.

but another something
was simply seeing
human beings
on a stage
in front of hundreds/thousands—

a crowd
here to see
all Black faces and voices

and it being my
(technically accidental)
return
to seeing
live theatre…
auspicious?
inspiring?
fortuitous?
serendipity…

perhaps broadway is changing for the better?

—but—

while those feelings are definitely in there,
i think there was something else,
something additional…
a giant sense of
‘i didn’t let myself miss this
until right now’

i’ve missed the theater itself
physically
psychologically,
conceptually,
and i’ve missed performing on stage,
of course,
that’s in my blood—

but something in me missed
the actual
going to see
a good show

i didn’t know that about myself
until just now

and i’ll keep it
close
to my heart

July 23, 2022

the connections
i make
at night
when the mind has been
working hard all day
and scrambling to make sense
of a world that just
doesn’t—
those are some of the smartest
clearest
most profound connections
i’ve made—
and i always rely on
the morning
to write them

but by then
they’re gone

July 22, 2022

i felt so motivated yesterday
(and the day before that)
and i know i did some of the things
on the to-do list,
but i did much less than
i originally
expected

and i need to be ok with that
i need to be ok with that
i need to remind myself that
i need to be ok with that

because otherwise
i’m just capitalism’s
newest victim

and fuck capitalism

~~~

fly
spy
in the sky

i wonder why
you need to fly
around our home and spy
on us

~~~

this
cotton
candy
coffee
is the silliest thing i’ve ever tasted
and it just makes me
smile
smile
smile

~~~

how do i absorb
the lessons i’ve learned
in trying to help others?

i.e. the advice i’ve given,
can i/will i ever
take it myself?

is there ever
a magical wand for
turning kindness inward?

~~~

the poems today
aren’t turning out great,
but they’re not bad, either,
they’re just there
and that’s all they need to be
at this moment
in
time

~~~

do you ever feel
so tired
and yet so hyped up
that you feel like
if you followed your energy
you’d vibrate until
your skin just kind of
shucked itself off of your bones?

…nah, me neither

July 21, 2022

listening to lovely music
(modern classical, in case you’re interested)
chatting with my Kip over coffee
about workers and wages
and contemporary conveniences
and whether ‘nobody wants to work anymore’ rhetoric
came out of union slander
or not

a regular morning in this
household

July 20, 2022

the temperature
is supposed to get
all the way up to
97 degrees

i’ll be spending some time
in manhattan
so it’ll probably feel like
107 at least.

and in the subway system,
underground,
waiting for the train,
oof, maybe 137

but once i’m on the train,
the a/c blasting
will make me shiver
like it’s the middle of winter

(unless, of course, the air conditioning is broken
in whichever particular train car
i happen to enter)

(and i have to decide
on clothing
to fit all those
scenarios…)

(summer in the city is no joke)

July 19, 2022

the two kips
unfocused
in two different ways

someone help someone write something

(sometimes you just need to fumble over words
at each other
making the other person laugh
before you come up with the
perfect plan
and go back to writing
immédiatement)

July 18, 2022

i can write
homage
after
ode
after
poem
to my favorite weather event
but it remains just that
‘a weather event’
but i view thunderstorms
as something so much more—

when i was 12 or so,
somewhere around the time
you still believe in magic
but are old enough to know
you shouldn’t,
i held a conversation with a thunderstorm
and i feel like it was one of the last moments
i truly suspended
my disbelief.
i went in knowing it probably wasn’t real
but i decided
that for the duration of the thunderstorm
every boom
was an answer
to a question
and i’d know in my heart
what that answer meant.
and i sat on my porch
and held conference
with the storm
for the entirety
of its travel
over us
and i’ll never forget
that thunderstorm
(and with what little i understand
about weather
it seems entirely plausible to me
that every thunderstorm
is the same thunderstorm
coming back to check on
the one child
who ever showed interest
in its
dreams
and
nightmares.)

and that
is just one reason
out of multitudes
of why
i love thunderstorms
so much.