what a fucking stupid country
i’ll be eloquent tomorrow
today i just need to scream

~~~

that’s not true,
i’ll write today
because i’m too numb to just walk around —

my strength comes from feeling
but i can’t feel anything but frustration
for so many people who would vote against
their own self-interests
against their own inalienable rights
[i guess they’re kind of alienable now, right?]

i keep staring off into space
and getting lost in my own
worst-case scenarios
which all come back to the conclusion
“i simply don’t wish to be in this timeline”
which is especially strong, stemming from
“i’ve already live through this once — i thought we had learned.”

there’s a quote
in the miniseries Stakes
that’s part of the animated tv show Adventure Time
and it goes something like this:

[pause for me to find the complete quote, because i will]

the Vampire King asks Marceline:
“What’s the one thing you’ve noticed about the world since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?”

to which Marceline replies:
“Everything repeats over and over again. No one learns anything because no one lives long enough to see the pattern, i guess.”

“But you’ve lived long enough.”
the Vampire King replies

and i kind of feel like i
have lived a thousand years
and seen the cycles and patterns repeating
over and over and over again
and am the only one who has learned
anything

[i guess it’s true what they say about studying history: you may not be doomed to repeat it, but you’ll be so frustrated as you watch everyone else repeat it that you lose all respect for humanity as a whole]

[i may be paraphrasing/adding to that, but the sentiment still stands]

~~~

i’m sickened
i’m scared
and i’m not even that frightened for myself — we’re in an overwhelmingly blue city
in the midst of a fairly solidly blue state
[and if New York were to secede, we’d be pretty
self-sufficient immediately]
i’m worried for all the folks who will be hurt
physically
emotionally
psychologically
from this egomaniacal walking talking cheeto
whose only desire
is to stay out of jail
and make himself more money
and the cult of hatred that follows him.

i wish i could believe in humanity
again/
ever