time is a mortal construction

May 21, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

literally
nothing
is set in stone

even stone is ephemeral

everything passes by
the sky wasn’t the sky
before there was a planet to help hold it in
and even the stars have beginnings and endings

so the rules we all have made up
for gender
for money
for even morality
nothing
nothing
nothing
is solid

we are all flowing through —
visitors to reality

let’s treat ourselves like guests
and stop trying to make our rules stick
to a place that will never ever ever have
anything
to stick to

May 19, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i have no idea
what time is even
doing

i’m passing my days by
sliding past them
as they slip past me

we barely wave to each other

and a new day is by my side

[and the whole play
plays out again]

May 9, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

perhaps
i should
accept
that the world didn’t actually
end
all the times it felt
like it did

not at the end of 1999
not in 2001
not in 2005
not in 2008 or 2012 or even 2020
so perhaps
living life
as if it’s not a secret simulation
or a fever dream
but something to make the most of
would be a smarter goal

[but that’s also so much scarier
and i need to figure out
how much push gets me going
and how much puts me in
a damn near catatonic state
of straight up fear of missing out
on everything]

May 7, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the days speed by
i get a glance
a flip of a flipbook
but the first few establishing shots
as i got the hang of it
went so much slower —
now they speed by
and i can’t tell if i’m missing a page
or a day
as the image on them
becomes something more than its individual parts
the still photos become a movie
the day to day becomes
a life

and i don’t like it

take me back to the days
when i could study each aspect
forever
and never knew what would happen
when it all flowed
freely
[uncontrollably]

April 10, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

time passing
too swiftly
to get me
pumped
about any one event or even one day

i need now to look forward to
a weekend
a whole month
a big big change in scenery

[but the tiniest/
eensy weensiest/
minutest little things
still bring my whole mood
down
down
down

so what’s that about?]

March 20, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i
often listen to podcasts
[more often than not]
and some of them i cannot stand
until and unless
they are sped
up
up
and away i run, blocking out my own thoughts
with speeds set to
increase
my own
anxieties

but when i slow down
and try
[i do try]
to listen at a show’s natural pace,
i find my heart pounding
waiting
each millisecond
for the next sound to be heard
like my own brain and body
accrue more anxiety
from normalness
and anticipation
than from the sped-up versions
of life

so
do i live in the moments
between moments
where time seems to extend
ad-infinitum
and unbearably so,
or do i continue to block out intuitions
and worry that my life
is speeding past my eyes
at an unrecognizable rate?

i don’t know
i don’t know

January 30, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

video game music
and pondering strange dreams
and trying to hold the countdown
to the hour after next
still
so i can have some more chill morning time
with my kip before they need to leave
again [this time into the city]
and i need to go upstairs
and talk about my
~feelings~

[ugh]

January 17, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

apparently
i first opened this version
of scrivener
in january of 2021.
or,
more specifically,
january 17
in the morning.

and i only noticed the “first opened” notification
on this january 17
today
in the morning
[though in the 7:00 hour, not the 8,
as was the case
in 2021]

and i still can’t get over
the passage of time,
nor the happenstance
and connection
in my life.
but
i think it’s interesting
when things just kind of
align
and line up
and i can take that however
i like