i NEVER sit the same way
for more than forty minutes
[unless i’m at a play
and i am next to people i don’t necessarily know
then i force myself:
feet flat on the ground,
hands in my lap,
holding on for dear life
the position i’ve chosen;
whether i get antsy,
whether i am uncomfortable,
whether i end up thinking more about my body position
in a tiny chair
than the play or musical itself;
i have to be
NOT
the mess beside the person
that ruined the show for them —
if that means i must ruin the show for myself
so be it.]
theatre
December 10, 2023
i went to a theatrical production last night
a collection of shorts/
staged-reading
written by a friend.
it was incredibly compelling —
so much talent,
such a beautiful person and writer
but
what i will probably end up remembering from that night
is waiting for the show to start, and having no one to talk to
so instead my kip (through text) suggested i write them a letter
and so i did — remembering old letters we’ve written to each other,
times in our lives before we made one singular life together,
and through writing my feelings out, realized just how much i rely on them
[they are, after all, my emotional support kip]
and love them
so
so
so
much.
[i don’t think we had lost any fondness for each other,
but absence sure does make the heart grow fonder —
even if that absence is simply a six-hour excursion to brooklyn]
July 29, 2023
a jump scare
hits different
in the theatre
than on
the screen
June 9, 2023
when you wake from sleep
and can only dream
in waking hours
of your next nap
you might be depressed
or
you might be in tech week.
February 4, 2023
acting
theatre
the arts
they are art
but they are also my job
and so i view them as such
otherwise
i get too overwhelmed
i get too anxious over everything
so if i treat them as a career
a necessity
an activity i’ve done so much i could probably do it in my sleep
they don’t hold power over me
and then i can do them
better
February 2, 2023
i am in a mood where
sitting still by a blank document
one arm on the table/laptop/keyboard
one in my lap
no movement
just thought
is far more comforting
(and possibly productive)
than churning out poem after poem
~~~
and yet i will write
because that is what i do
and that seems to be my calling
(at least as of late)
and sometimes one needs to have a moment of stillness
before capturing that stillness in art
(if we just try to capture it without fully feeling it
that art is meaningless
wouldn’t you agree?)
~~~
the droopy eyelids
hover over my eyes
laden with sleep
and a few days of tech week
and i am contemplating writing
contemplating huddling back under the sheets
contemplating at least a few moments of peace
before the craziness of today begins
January 31, 2023
poetry-ing
from the midst of a theatre
audience left
stage right
home
for so many years
conceptually
this place
specifically
home
for the next week
[or so]
December 3, 2022
what a weird week
said multiple people these past seven days
not necessarily bad
(nor good either)
just
weird.
and i have to agree;
going from being terrified to submit to anything,
theatre/
film/
voiceover/
experimental/
at all
(for fear of the inevitable
no-reply rejection)
i submitted to three things in two days
and got auditions for over half
(still have to audition,
but damn
does it feel like
the relief
of crawling out of a ravine
but looking up to see
more walls surrounding you
again)
man
i chose this.
July 24, 2022
i didn’t think i would,
but i
felt *something*
while observing
curtain call
at that broadway theater
yesterday afternoon.
a little something
was the show itself—
pushing boundaries,
addressing hard topics,
calling in and calling out.
but another something
was simply seeing
human beings
on a stage
in front of hundreds/thousands—
a crowd
here to see
all Black faces and voices
and it being my
(technically accidental)
return
to seeing
live theatre…
auspicious?
inspiring?
fortuitous?
serendipity…
perhaps broadway is changing for the better?
—but—
while those feelings are definitely in there,
i think there was something else,
something additional…
a giant sense of
‘i didn’t let myself miss this
until right now’
i’ve missed the theater itself
physically
psychologically,
conceptually,
and i’ve missed performing on stage,
of course,
that’s in my blood—
but something in me missed
the actual
going to see
a good show
i didn’t know that about myself
until just now
and i’ll keep it
close
to my heart
January 24, 2022
we are now
well into
the third year
of living in new york city
and though i’m not where i thought i’d be,
the whole world isn’t where it thought it’d be
either.
the pandemic has really taken the onus
off my own head
for what i wanted to accomplish
when i got here,
and redirected my aims
not lower
just sideways-er,
from theatre/circus/maybe film
to voiceover/film/maybe circus
(and a little activism in there
because how could you not be
when looking at
this world)
and theatre…?
who knows what will happen
within this third year
(within these next few months/weeks/days)
but i do know that
governmental policies (or lack thereof) really left the public
out in the cold
at the very beginning
of this whole ordeal
and haven’t been able to rectify
that harm
(nor have i seen much in the way of trying)
and i shouldn’t have expected any better
but man
do i want
to trust
that people
will do the right things,
but power seems to corrupt
even the
best of us…
but
i was talking about
living in new york city
and my life here
(or lack thereof)
and all i have to say is,
though i don’t think i ever really got
the ‘true’
living in nyc experience,
i still suspect
i couldn’t live
anywhere
else.
kipventures 