flash of a memory
(why is it almost always driving)
rocky river to lakewood
bridge over the
metroparks valley
the color salmon pink
(was it a house?
an apartment building?
the color of the sky in sunset?)
riding along
early lessons
late hangouts
always right on time for rehearsals
the flat expanse of northeastern ohio
spreading a suburb out in front of my eyes
somehow gorgeous in its
midwestern gothic/
abandoning the american dream/
passenger seat
then driving, driving, driving
knowing a portion of that street so well–
but the memory starts farther back
a path i only drove a
handful of times
farther back
farther back
seeing the road i took
seeing the memories out in front
seeing to the side where my grandmother survived
(i wish i had asked her more questions about her life)
why are my memories
still so full of
other
memories?
poem a day
May 15, 2023
speaking back to our dog
in words as she barks
whines
shrieks
because she
hurt her leg
*again*
(is this the fifth time? sixth? seventh that we are aware of?)
(definitely the third since surgery)
and the worst part of all this is,
to her little puppy brain,
having to stay still in a cage
while we are out, but within her sight—
caught in crate rest
unable to express her freedom;
how terribly cruel, she must think us,
for insisting she lay herself down
rather than hop up on two legs
(only one of which is at full health)—
and yet she continues to speak at us
in ways we don’t quite understand
(and least in an exact kind of way,)
but we know her intruder barks
her ‘there’s a cat there!’ barks
her ‘my toy is stuck somewhere i can’t reach’
and her ‘my best friend is outside without me!’
and this is definitely a ‘why can’t i just be myself
and roam rambunctiously free’ bark
but if she continues
to freak out
and only listen to her commands
for a few seconds at a time,
it will be puppy solitary
for the next little while
(which feels more cruel
but at least she stops
being a menace to her own
health)
May 14, 2023
the mood settles
down
down
down
deep into the depths of the frown
my marrow molds me
not the opposite
and i need me to be
a little more flexible
a little more malleable
a little less conditioned to find any stress/any sadness
so permanent
that i find myself affixed to my future of
‘i’ve got the morbs
forever more.’
but can i/will i/could i?
[should i?]
May 13, 2023
meditate on love
coding
and community
what an anniversary!
May 12, 2023
sitting here
thinking of neurodivergence
thinking of
anxiety and depression
thinking of
acting from such a young age
thinking of
diagnoses and non
thinking of
societal standards
thinking of
pressure and constructs
thinking of
freedom from expectations and all that
~~~
experiment
think of words not often written
ponder places and things alike
you rarely ever write about
and maybe
just maybe
your poetry can have fresh(er)
life
~~~
to write about what i’m feeling:
a little bit of pain
a lot of hunger
love for my dog and for my kip
(and begrudging love for our
hassle cat)
the cold of the ice pack
the water flowing from esophagus
to stomach
and on
the tap of my elevated leg
toe against air
to the tempo of the music
yawns
tiredness
worry about armpit stinkiness
this whisker poking out from my chin
and an extreme itchiness on my scalp, under my braid
my teeth clenched together
(relax, relax, relax)
the taste of this blueberry coffee
and a little bit more centered
than when i started this poem
May 11, 2023
got myself
a bum ankle
but i’m not able
to actually rest enough
to better myself
in terms of healing
and caring
into full health
~~~
is anyone
actually good
at their own
rest???
~~~
the weather says it’ll be
hot hot hot
later today
but at this moment
with stillness and icing ankle
and inside and overnight lows
i’m closer to chilly than overheated
and much closer to shivering
than sweating
so how does the weather change fast enough
to fit all it fits
in one day?
May 10, 2023
the little skip/hop/beats of a heart
not hidden inside but shared with the spouse
new friends, exciting connections,
so stoked to spend time with each other again
a sacred queer friendship appears
May 9, 2023
to warm up with the poetry
as i [try to do] every morning
or to stare blankly at a phone
scrolling and scrolling and scrolling
until half the day has gone by?
i believe this choice speaks for itself
(on the days when my executive functioning allows)
to warm up with the poetry
as it flows and flows and flows
or to work a bit
get things quickly done
feeling even more productive before 9am
than i usually feel by 10pm
this choice is a little harder
but i do have habit backing up a decision for the former
to warm up with the poetry
that speaks of itself in loose verse–
meta-poeting all over the computer screen
as i contemplate any other option here
in this early may morning
i see this choice has been made for me
May 8, 2023
the puppy groans with her yawns
and sighs before her head lays down
and i am delighted
and i just figured out why—-
the noises are far more human than dog
and they make me feel like, maybe,
just maybe,
she’ll learn how to talk next
May 7, 2023
when
did i become a human
who
enjoys the organization of things
but still prefers
the music
of carefully crafted chaos?
[have i always been like this,
i just didn’t have the awareness
of specific neurons firing
to step back
and see my views in this
way?]
kipventures 