my back
has ached
these last two days
and i woke up this morning
less back-pain-y
and more everying-pain-y
so i suppose that’s
progress?
pain
February 10, 2024
the shoulder
is in pain —
left
side
deafening
throbs of muscle tightness
silence
and then the occasional relief
just to tighten back
into an unreleasable knot
each pulse
extending the reach
of neurons firing warning shots
up my neck
down my arm
across my back
toward my head
and i don’t know how much longer
i can live with this
constant reminder
of my body’s
flaws
January 18, 2024
something
shifted
in the pain in my shoulder
instead of feeling
impossibly impinged
it just feels sore
tight
like a normal shoulder might
and though i still stand slightly lopsided
and i still feel everything ~off~ inside my shoulder joint
i’m hopeful this means
*something*
in this journey
December 4, 2023
keep going
keep running
someday
you’ll outrun
the pain
and the memories
and the flashbacks
and the reminders
and when you’ve finally gotten far enough away
then
and only then
can you fully feel the feelings without fear
(at least that’s what i hear)
November 20, 2023
rib
pain
no
rib annoyance
rib discomfort
ribs [seemingly] rubbing together
and the muscles around them spasming
so much so that i cannot sleep
i cannot write
i cannot concentrate
[but, no, it’s not pain.
pain i could ignore/take something for
discomfort feels like
for
ever
and i hate it]
August 25, 2023
the pull
of the iud string/
the cramps
from a new one entering,
do not hurt me.
but the crash of a mug that wasn’t mine to break;
or a tiny pebble stuck in my shoe
for each step, bothering, not stabbing;
or something sticky
and i can’t tell what;
or the tag of a shirt;
or an uncomfortable sitting position —
those all make tears
appear
in my eyes.
but actual pain?
worst pain of my life?
nah.
July 24, 2023
unawake
today of all days
of driving hours and hours
and caring for puppies
and doing adult things
and talking to fathers
and writing poetries
when my eye just wants to rest
away from screens or intensive lookings —
maybe tomorrow will be
less painful
in the iris
June 24, 2023
sometimes i write extraordinarily dark poetry
and i kind of forget
once it’s out of me
how it could be read
interpreted
ingested and understood
by others
i’m just here getting my best and worst feels
out into the void
apologies to the void
for having to ever
absorb
this profound pain
April 30, 2021
staring at this blank screen
trying to come up with the poems to write today
the concepts flowing in and out
thinness
and queerness
and how they intersect
body dysmorphia and dysphoria
(words i get so mixed up
because they are near equally balanced in my mind
and while they are two stems
they seem to bud into the one same flower),
and how these all intersect
but i’ve thrown a rib out of place
and i am spending a little too much time concentrating on
keeping the ice pack where it needs to be
even while my cat shifts her weight around on my lap,
and trying to pay attention to what positions i’m in
when the pain gets to a bit of a crescendo,
and apparently these are the things that my mind needs to concentrate on
not making the next great queer poetry collection
so…there’s that i guess.
[life]
kipventures 