my muscle-system contracts
and aches
and doesn’t quite pulse with pain
but it’s getting close
and there are no cramps
but damn
i might prefer such a thing
because at least a cramp can go away
and this tendon trouble
or maybe it’s muscle
i have no idea
but it stays
and stays
and sticks around
and i want to know what’s actually good for it — rest?
recovery?
light exercise?
heavy?
more reps?
less with larger weights?
what will help my body feel like
it’s actually working together
instead of against itself
all the damn time???
pain
August 22, 2026
can’t sit like a normal human
even though that would probably cause me
less pain
[but nothing is zero pain,
so
i might as well sit like a
curmugeon-y ghost gremlin
while i can
just to make sure my body doesn’t
disintegrate due to
boredom]
May 3, 2026
breathe through
the pain
the panic
the day
the week
the month
the year
the administration
the takeover
the ugliness
the inhumanity
the world
the lifetime
[a life is meant to be lived
fully, not
breathed
through
until the end]
[if only those who made it this bad
did any meditation
of self-reflection
of their own damn actions]
November 3, 2025
the apprehension
the tension
the aches and pains of
just sitting
sitting
sitting
forever
[what other horrors does a 9-5 bring?]
August 31, 2025
the pain in my arm
has never harmed me
in the air
this bothersome little
strain
on the tendon
is only ever annoying
when writing
or scrolling
or holding
or driving
it never affects me while flying
which is nice
but
it does make me think that
my bod just wants to be a circus performer
and nothing else
nothing
“normal”
at least
August 29, 2025
the sharp pain behind my knee
reminding me that my body is fallible
in the most silly of ways
August 3, 2025
everything in my life
seems to be
on delayed reaction time —
processing traumatic events/
pain responses to any injury/
excitement and anxiety responses/
processing temperature changes in my body/
even my damn tarot cards seem
a little too far away from the reading
to the event they foretold
to be anything less than
delayed
[but, i suppose, that’s just how my body/soul
plays this little life game]
June 12, 2025
how can there be
so much horror in the world
alongside such beauty?
how can death happen one day
and the next, the miracle of a whole new life?
how can those celebrating a graduation/
a union/
pure friendship
be next door to
domestic violent terror
in one’s own home?
i haven’t figured out yet
how to be a happy person
while also knowing
so much that happens behind
tightly closed doors
in front of
tightly shut eyes
because, from my position here,
it feels counterintuitive —
i’m trapped in feeling like
one thing cannot be acknowledged
if the other isn’t also
but perhaps that’s my own black and white
fault
thinking
because there’s also
often
mundane day happening
alongside mundane day
and it’s the grey that
somehow
sometimes
keeps us going
March 19, 2025
pain
and depression
are linked for me,
for i can stand
a great deal of each
but the moment it/i reach
a breaking point
a moment when the pain is too unbearable
a moment when my thoughts get too dark
even for my somber self,
a moment when i feel at the brink of too muchness
and nothingness
that is exactly when the physical and mental pain
fades
and i am left feeling so silly
for wondering if
now
was the moment i’d give in
and just
die
December 14, 2024
perched
like a gremlin
atop the specialty cushion that is
supposed to
help my back/glute issues,
but only if i sit on it
like a normal human
no wonder i never fully
rid myself of my aches
and pains
kipventures 