nature

January 9, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i am far away from my native lands
both in space
and in time

but i am native to the Earth
and i do have a land that raised me
that moulded me
as i trudged and trotted along
creeks
and fields
and farms
and forests
paying little to no attention
to human intervention
but instead lost in my own imagination
speaking for two, three, five, ten at a time
plays and stories and series in my mind
and the dirt never betrayed me
and the insects never bit more than i could handle
and the animals provided distraction
when i hit an imaginary interpersonal problem
and everything i saw/heard/touched/tasted/smelled
informed my curiosity
and invited me back
day
after
week
after
month
after
season
after
year

i wish i could go back today
but i don’t know how it’s changed
and i’m scared of feeling betrayed
by my own damn species
(or having it seem exactly the same,
and overwhelmed by how much
i’ve changed)

but

i’ve taken on this land
as my new home
and learning as i am
about kinship and the land and more-than-human persons
i’d like to care for this portion of the Earth
as the Earth
once cared
for me

December 11, 2022

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the more i read and research
the kinship worldview
the more i think i might not have been that crazy
when i spoke with that thunderstorm
when i feel like the trees are waving to me in the breeze
and it’s not like the selfish feelings i get
when i ponder an omniscient god
what would one entity do for me?
why would one entity do/
pay attention to/
contemplate
me?
but a single tree when i am the only one around?
a storm passing by and sticking around long enough for a conversation
even if they add up to one universe
i feel connection with the pieces
and maybe that’s how i
connect
with the energy
around me
(and maybe that’s how
i’ll forgive my
younger transgressions
when i was simply asking for attention
from the only beings around me—
—the planet)

March 20, 2022

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New York City
is giving us
a true
spring!

(for the first time
in years)

yes, we were here in
Brooklyn
for two springs in a row,
but you’ve got to admit
the spring of
2020
was a little more surrealistic
than springtime
in terms of
~everything~
and please, Brooklyn, forgive us
for only observing
your brick walls
consistently
and so rarely entering
the park five minutes away

and before that,
Wisconsin,
with its approximate
two days of spring
(slightly more if you count
‘muddy’
as the season)
and half the time
snow would hit
full force
months after
we thought
spring was finally upon us
(and the next day
the blistering heat
of a midwest summer)

but here
in our own yard
we’ve seen the green
pop up from the ground
and even the days were a little snow
sprinkled the earth
the buds didn’t give up
they kept up
popped out
now, not just green,
we have purple, yellow, white,
black bumble bees buzzing
(a veritable enby flag of a backyard)

and we’ve eaten breakfasts,
had coffee,
made calls,
read,
worked,
watched,
on a deck that overlooks it all

and we breathe it in
slowing down
soaking it up
like the sun

A Bronx Spring.

September 3 (part 2)

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nature:
turkeys
sleeping bees
talk of ticks
pine cones
sandstone
and
sunlight
and shade
and everywhere in between
broken branches
stampeeded weeds
dewy wet grass
and the great expanse of sky and clouds

not nature:
massive amounts of coffee
protein bars
pink and purple hair dye
tiktoks and youtubes to pass the time
plastic bottle spray paint art projects
frozen twix bars
zoom workouts
and online ordered Indian food

mix the two
and you have a solid foundation
for a much-needed mini-vacation
[with the fam]

September 2, 2021

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there was a moment,
a whole slew of moments,
a good month or so,
when everyone was staying indoors
trying desperately
to stop the spread,
and magic occurred:
the air cleared of smog
and wildlife returned to where it hadn’t been seen
for ages
and nature began reclaiming
her[/their] right to this earth…

and for a pessimist such as myself,
this brought a huge abundance of joy to my heart;
i’d like nothing more than to save this planet,
give each creature on this earth the right and respect to this land
as we once had
[yes, i am including us in that we]
[though we being humanity, probably/possibly not we being my particular race]
to actually be as equal as nature created us
but…
if we really have been as terrible for this planet
as i expect
and we do in fact go through a mass-extinction event
[moreso than we are going through now]
it brings comfort to my heart that nature can reclaim
so quickly
so easily…
i still worry about each individual bird and dolphin and seedling
[and human being]
but it comforts me a little
to know that, as a whole
maybe we haven’t made such an
unerasable
footprint.

September 1, 2021 (part 2)

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i feel
as though
i am the observer
the storyteller
the tie-togetherer
when it comes to global climate change;
i travel
and watch
and observe
and i see the Bronx flooding
and Brooklyn flooding
and then i travel away
from the concrete and subway tunnels and solid architecture
to the malleable lands
hills and valleys and mountains
of Pennsylvania
and i see the flooding of that countryside
ditches
becoming creeks
becoming rivers
becoming flooding alerts all over the roads
every hour or two another alert in on my phone
knowing it’s the aftereffects of a hurricane
and seeing watch-warnings for tornados
seeing the sky go dusk-dark at 1pm
and open up, finally, to the brightness
of 6pm
as we drive out of the stormclouds
heading where we had been…

i am aware that nature is unpredictable
and that storms like these often happen in a lifetime
but i’ve now lived directly through at least three ‘one in a lifetime’ storms
(and watched probably 20 others from afar)
and i am
worried.

September 1, 2021

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uncertainty
turned excitement
turned apprehension
turned…who knows

at least i’m still in
‘go with the flow’
mode.

~~~

the rain pouring
feels apocalyptic
though no such apocalypse has yet to take hold onto a whole nation
just whole communities,
whole cities,
whole states…
[or are we simply feeling immune
because our whole country
is so damn huge?]

~~~

quick and dirty
morning poems
so i have time
to get quick clean
before heading out
not away from the storm
but deeper into
(solely for the sake
of dogs
and nature
and family)

July 18, 2021

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let me spend my dream-days
in an old, abandoned greenhouse
let ivy cover the walls, windows, doors,
let the glass shatter, let windows stick open
so calming breezes can drift through,
and i can forget about the tick, tick, tick passage of time

let me spend my dream-days
in an old, abandoned greenhouse
let the art deco/art nouveau, detailing/glass/bars
be so extravagant
i’d feel out of place
if it wasn’t for the obvious abandonment everywhere

let me spend my dream-days
in an old, abandoned greenhouse
let it prove to me that nature doesn’t need people
to survive,
to thrive,
and maybe, someday, i can learn from it
and rise fully, independent of others’ opinions

June 19, 2021

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hiking up Machu Picchu
elevated
inclinated
[yes, i know the word “inclined” there would be fine]
my breath failed me
over
and over
and over again

i learned that “possibility of very slight asthma”
that i was diagnosed with
in childhood
really hits you
when the air surrounding you steals your lung capacity.

i was never good at cardio
even now that i’m more fit than i ever was as a child
i dread anything that gathers my heart rate into higher levels

so though i love walking around nature,
the concept of “hiking” only brings joy to my heart,
until we are no longer on level ground.
inclines remind me of the never-ending upwards motion
when my lungs gave out
(but we had places to be
and a time to be there by)

but hiking through the park yesterday
a small amount of incline
to get to a nice picnic area
surrounded by shady tress
i did ok.

(it shouldn’t be surprising
DC is not nearly as far above sea level
as Cusco,
but any upwards movement
comes with a great deal of apprehension)

and i did ok
and we all did ok
(just ok, we could have done better,)
and both my spouse and i
commented
on how four flights of stairs
for the last year and a half
should make us better at hiking up inclines

but it sure does not.

June 17, 2021 (part 2)

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i held a honey bee,
let it crawl up and down my bare hand
lifted my fingers to see it bumble around

it flew off awkwardly
dropped to the ground
where i rescued it
and let it crawl on me once more
before flying off toward its hive

and i tasted honey straight from the comb
the floral notes gently caressing my taste buds
and i learned so much about bees and honey
i shared scads of fun facts with friends
and i wonder to myself
“could this be a new hobby?”

[probably not, but it’s nice to let the imagination run away sometimes]