how quickly we get used to things —
lack of sleep
un-flavored coffee
living in the woods
being around people
and how quickly we end up missing it
when, inevitably, events end
what i’m trying to say is
i miss this retreat
already
nature
August 1, 2025
i often forget
that the sounds of the birds
can be my morning page music
and the crickets and wind and rain
can replace my podcasts
i no longer use perpetual sound
to block out my own inner voice
[that sounds like some kind of growth]
but i think i have now found myself using any auditory distractions
as literal distractions
from boredom
and i do wish i was more on board
being bored
for creativity’s sake
July 31, 2025
there’s something i know about myself
that others may not
it’s that i can always find a bright side
as long as i’m sharing the story with
someone else
got lost on a path i didn’t know well?
i got the opportunity to see bunnies and deer and one cat and two horses
and enjoy nature in a way i haven’t since
i grew up in middle of nowhere ohio
stumbled upon some uneven ground?
i am reminding myself of my rural roots
clambering over rocks and holes and
hopefully not twisting my ankle
like when i was an awkward teen
didn’t sleep well the first night of a retreat?
honestly, i’m getting back to my roots once more
adolescence
and early adulthood
and never sleeping more than an hour at a time
and waking up to see what’s happening online
[just as slow then as my service is here]
and while my younger years were not a piece of cake
by any means
and i wouldn’t want to relive them fully
getting the opportunity to rehash them with a
stronger body
and more calmed mind
surrounded by other artists…
kind of a quiet dream.
July 11, 2025 [part 2]
i can see why
people love this tree
and personify [her] to the point of
pronouns
she is something truly
living
and being,
imposing
and consoling
there is something
here
underneath her
in her shade
in her presence
that i find
indescribable
but inscrutably
here
i breathe her in
and hope she knows
all the love i bring
with me
here
to her
April 6, 2025
it’s so astounding how beneficial
the spring is to my
general
mood
i have literally been
hopeless
and helpless
for months
and then it warms up once
and i see a couple of green buds
on a couple of tree branches
and the sunlight hits
more and more of my day
and i say
“i can do this!”
April 3, 2025
birds
swooping down in
the rain
puppies
pawing at the floor
for attention
and the outside
and the inside
always have some parallels
but it’s the liminal spaces in-between
where i find my own comfort
May 10, 2024
silly plant songs
tickling my brain like they
rooted themselves inside
and are using mycelial systems to
communicate with my own synapses…
and maybe that’s actually what the human population needs —
to get back to basics
[re]connect with different forms of life
and experience the nervous and fungal systems
for what they are — siblings existing on earth
together
apart
April 17, 2024
birds
distract
from writing
from trying
to get to know
the inside of my own head
maybe
they’re saying
‘get to know the earth
and the universe
first,
for “you” are just one part
of all’
February 10, 2023
sunflowers
are my favorite flower.
something about the big, bright, open yellow
captivates me
and makes me
(almost always slightly secretly dour)
smile so huge.
i often forget that half of the flower is brown,
the earth/
the base of nature/
it wouldn’t be a sunflower without that circle of non-yellow;
the seeds to form new flowers in the future
the giving after giving
of joy/
of new life/
of another kind of open-ness.
i know it’s a bit toxic
to constantly give,
but take it from the sunflower:
sometimes giving gives us our own beauty.
January 18, 2023
seeing the swarm sully the skies
grackle cries
another super-group
giant roost
all of them
re-creating that film The Birds
(which i’ve never seen, but i know there’s a giant swarm
of silken-black birds
and there they were
ripe for the simile)
so close we could hear their wings flap
so close we could see their heads shine blue
so close the dog assumed she could grab one or two
so close they felt ominous
but also magnificent
what an honor
to be greeted this day
by the only time the grackles fly together
wintertime
and look for grub
in our messy
yard
go ahead and hop up and down the path
you’re sweeping the leaves for us;
thanks!
