May 6, 2023

loud music
to distract
the parts of my head
that aren’t paying attention
and instead
wander off
alone
and lonely
to places no one else can follow
not even
myself

May 1, 2023

lost
in a book
in music with words
in my own head’s thoughts
of solid phrases and anti-self-care behaviors
and i can’t think of how to
just get
out

~~~

thinking
about writing more
songs
poems to music
phrases that match up
with a tune and orchestration
and wanting to
maybe
perform it all
at some point
[soon?]

~~~

what happens
when you start thinking
in poetry
and try to bring others
along for the
ride

can you teach them how
or is it still just
such
a vibe?

April 15, 2023

trying
to be writing
with music playing
(words wording up the place)
(but such good words
you know?)

my focus is split
(even more than usual)
and i can’t reread what i’ve already written
to see if it flows
spits
fits and starts
start me towards a real poem
one of these days
two of these days
three four, that’s all i need
to concentrate on one solid slam
of a poem written down
picked up
spat out
at an open mic
or recorded for those who truly see me
every week
(i miss that)
(i feel weak for missing that)
(but there’s no need to self-judge—
you’ve done that far more than enough)

and the most interesting part
of writing
with words
flowing behind my mind
is that i find myself rhyming with the phrasing i’m hearing
rather than the phrases i’m writing
and i don’t know if any of this
will make any sense
but i’m kinda digging
this
split-focus
un-re-read
rhyming with words you won’t hear
if you’re just reading this poem here
kinda vibe

January 30, 2023

when i write
i write at a table
but i don’t use the table
(except to hold my morning coffee)
i slide down in my chair
and lift my legs to the other across
and lay my laptop across my lap
cross one foot over the other
and write until my legs or butt falls asleep
or until my terrible posture hurts my back
or until my arms start to get sore
from low-key holding my laptop on my criss-crossed lap
and somehow this works for me
though i can’t help but imagine
a me
where i sit properly
feet fully reaching the floor
posture great
writing without pain sneaking its way in
and wonder if
i’d write
better
longer
if i sat like
a regular person

~~~

the cat gallops upstairs
chasing invisible ghosts
and singing the song of her kin
and at least she can amuse herself like this
for hours on end
while we break our evening’s fast with coffee and poetry and song
the cat’s harmony never quite fitting with whatever we play
but that’s why we love it (and her) so

~~~

i would like to write a letter to my grandmama some time today
because she constantly writes me lovely greetings
‘how are you’s’ and ‘here’s been my day’
and i love them so much.
and i’ve told her,
but i know the reciprocal is just as loved as the appreciation
and she literally said she wonders how we’re doing
so i suppose that’s what is on my agenda
(other than circus)
today

October 17, 2022

not feeling
anything
(writing
listing
poetry-ing)

was i this
lost
this time
last
year?

~~~

trying
to writing
with songs with words

we’ll see how this goes

~~~

was music all i needed
for me to feel like
this is a real morning???

September 1, 2022

i didn’t know
how much i was looking forward
to
spooky season
i didn’t know
how much
i needed
the halloween lofi
in my life[fi]
i might hazard
a guess
that this fall
i might even enjoy
the changing colors
and cooling breezes
and falling leaves
and season changes

but one thing’s for sure
i’m super stoked
to see skulls and bats
and skebletons and black cats
and ghosts and spiders and creepy shit
out in the real world
(not just inside our house)

August 18, 2022

they say the cello is the instrument
most like the human voice
but
whenever i listen to violins
play long, extended phrases
i always catch myself
holding my breath
as if i could sing the line
too

~~~

how is our puppy
so damn cute
and precious
and calm
when she’s sleepy
and so adorably hassle-y
and damn destructive
when she’s hyper-awake?

~~~

short poems
small amounts
because today
my belly says
‘no’

August 17, 2022

chill morning
chill music
moving info
both satisfying
and
frustrating
at the same time
[when/will it ever end?]

~~~

but my butt
hurts
when i sit in chairs
like a normal human
/
when i try to sit in chairs
like a normal human
and my body instinctively inclines itself
further and further leftwards
until my [right] butt hurts more
than it initially did
so i should just start
sitting
like the queer that i am
to avoid
further
injury

~~~

writing
in fits
and starts
(or starts
and starts
and i wonder where the fits
fit in with
this chill morning
of mine)

August 12, 2022

the ebb
and flow
of the piano
immerses itself
into my imagination
and i tilt with it
ship-like
atop the water
of the melody
and my whole being
is there too
heart and soul and corporal form
body mind and spirit
head to heart to body
everything

(classical is classic for a reason)

July 21, 2022

listening to lovely music
(modern classical, in case you’re interested)
chatting with my Kip over coffee
about workers and wages
and contemporary conveniences
and whether ‘nobody wants to work anymore’ rhetoric
came out of union slander
or not

a regular morning in this
household