i’m standing at a precipice
a precipice of my own making
and i think i’m
excited
life
June 16, 2025
so interesting how
being in one’s 30’s feels
like settling into the person you
were before testing out all the other life things
i’m hungry for experiences
but i need only try something
once
and then i’m happy to go back
and just cuddle my kip and my cat and my dog
and organize books alphabetically
and wake up each morning
to write poetry
[i do wonder if this is the true 9-year-old me, but i also have to admit,
i still have that 9-year-old inside me, plus the 16-year-old who couldn’t
help but immediately drive to see friends the moment they got their
license, and the 22-year-old who just really wanted connection with
whomever would connect with me. i think it’s always been, not about
partying, but about connection. and i also think 9-year-old me
would agree.]
May 7, 2025
the days speed by
i get a glance
a flip of a flipbook
but the first few establishing shots
as i got the hang of it
went so much slower —
now they speed by
and i can’t tell if i’m missing a page
or a day
as the image on them
becomes something more than its individual parts
the still photos become a movie
the day to day becomes
a life
and i don’t like it
take me back to the days
when i could study each aspect
forever
and never knew what would happen
when it all flowed
freely
[uncontrollably]
September 6, 2024
my brain is mush
it’s creatively exhausted
not by creativity
but by
life
May 29, 2024
do i really
truly
actually
need someone to tell me what to do with my life?
[especially because, when told, i struggle being beholden to other people
and end up resisting every step of the way]
why does my brain make no sense to me?
May 7, 2024
Studio Ghibli piano music
sings out of speakers
playful and delicate
and a butterfly flutters just outside the window
where our one speaker sits
calling the magic of life
towards it
February 22, 2024
half of my self
wants to run around
and have adventures
and meet only new people
and hear stories
and create more
and never ever ever stop
moving
and the other half of me is so comfortable
having a night in
television blaring
but not staring into a screen
instead cuddling up with my kip
or embroidering
or organizing bookshelves
or cleaning
just the menialest of menial tasks
feeling
so satisfied
but whenever i do one
i feel fulfilled for a bit
until i hear the other option
calling to me
and the only place i find i can fully balance out
is in sleep
when my physical self is at rest
and my imagination is bursting
[i really need to write more than poetry sometime]
January 4, 2024
maybe i just need a kick in the pants
a push in some direction
any direction
to just try some things out
let’s dabble in dancing
in aerial theatre
in embroidery/stained glass/poetry/story-writing/singing
i want to be performing
and i want to stay home and safe and comfy
and i want to be known
and i want to never be perceived
and i want to grow my talents
but i get so frustrated when i’m not immediately good at something
and i can’t help but think
that this is what life is
so if it’s what life is
then maybe i should just
enjoy the ride
that i’m on
December 23, 2022
how does one get
better
at poetry?
is it all about alliterations
and internal rhyme
and the thousands of metaphors
that have already been primed
to be shared, to be taken, to be overused
to the point of cliche
to say i want to be a poet
is not to mean i want to spoon-feed you stanzas of
love
as a beautiful weed
or churn out odes to
the moon
(though our lunar satellite is pretty cool)
but i digress
i must confess
my digression into this poem was nothing more than a question
not a contemplation of how i am the best
(my goodness, i know i’m not the best)
but i want to know—
for the poems that i read
and hear
that flow
and hit me right here
(that’s my heart, in case you aren’t watching)
they speak of the human condition
universal language
of love, joy, pain, suffering
maybe one day i could write
as well as
Amanda Gorman
Angel Nafis
Staceyann Chin
Audre Lorde
(hah
i remember a time the only poets i knew
were crusty old men
and look at me now,
just off the top of my head
badass black femme poets whom i’ve read
rather recently
and i want to imbibe more
more cultures
more languages
more experiences
because—
and here it is
the point i was trying to make—
i think
to be a better poet
you must have experiences
life experiences
living
breathing
interacting with people
experiencing all this world has to offer
this universe
and so
in conclusion
i guess i should go
live
more?
)
December 2, 2022
self-care december
we’re doing things we don’t normally do
(and some we do, in fact, normally do)
to see ourselves become the version of ourselves
we/
the planet/
each other
needs
it can be an event
a food
a conversation
a lack of workaholism
a slowing down
a dancing up
a gentle nap with our injured pup
pretty much
anything
we deem
good for ourselves
it should help us breathe through the holidays
it should help us enjoy these dark day times
it should help us get into next year
relatively unscathed
and still breathe through every day
mindfullness
meditation
self-care
no longer foreign concepts to be misunderstood or eye-rolled at
they’re recommended because they work
because repackaged for a non-colonized audience
that’s simply called
living