stop
getting distracted
by internet things
stop
distancing yourself from life
with silly video games
stop
avoiding things you actually want to do
by half-assedly doing basically any [and every] thing else
why can’t you just do
what you actually
truly want to do???
explore
and
expedite
every
human
experience
that’s the kips
that’s the kips
wanting to suck the marrow out of life
not miss out on one thing
but also
to achieve and advance in
the quickest amount of time
possible
like it’s a race
like it’s a contest
can the kips achieve
the
full human experience
by the time they hit
45?
[can the kips understand
that not every experience can be
caught, some are fleeting, and some
literally cannot happen until
old age is actually gotten]
[can the kips admit that
every human life is different
even
each other’s?]
at least
i’ve committed to the bit
for as long as i have
working memory
at least
i come from a long line
of folks who have
absolutely committed to the bit
even before that was a common phrase
at least
i have so much fun
committing to the bit
because joy is
one of the things
i want most out of life
at least
others have acknowledged
and admired
my ability to commit to the bit
i don’t know what i’d do
if it were
otherwise…
nothing
is for certain
everything
is random
but some things have a logic to them
that can be predicted —
success and family wealth
diet and exercise and general future health
queerness and hairstyle
etc.
etc.
etc.
predicted
but not for certain
because nothing
nothing
nothing
is for certain
[didn’t you read the beginning of this poem?]
we celebrated
ten years
and then we celebrated
thirteen and then we celebrated
just being married and boring together
and i love our life here
with ups and downs
and stresses and calm moments
and so many sillies —
my kip is my home
and my home is my kip
and we are kips together
on the same team
[la même équipe]
and we always will be
with love
breathe through
the pain
the panic
the day
the week
the month
the year
the administration
the takeover
the ugliness
the inhumanity
the world
the lifetime
[a life is meant to be lived
fully, not
breathed
through
until the end]
[if only those who made it this bad
did any meditation
of self-reflection
of their own damn actions]
i live my life based on the philosophy
i read in a tumblr post
once
the long and short of the text was that
after your were finished with a life
you got to what you thought were the pearly gates
of heaven
or hell
or limbo
or wherever
and you started to see,
though there was no one else there,
that you’d been here before
thousands upon millions upon billions of times
and it was revealed that you
are and were and would be
everyone
and every time you had been mean
you had simply been being mean
to a former [or future] iteration of yourself
and every time you had been kind
or received kindness
that was you
and you and you
all along
and it’s not that i can only thing about
the consequences of cruelty
or the benefits of kindness
if it is in relation to my own being
no
what got me about that philosophy
was the idea that
everyone around me
was so much closer than originally thought —
i spend so much time thinking i’m
a complete alien to the rest of the human race, that i
will never understand what someone is going through
and they certainly will never even try to see
what’s going on in my mind,
and everything
everyone
seems so damn foreign
and far, far away
and even when i think about
the interdependent web of all existence
there’s still a distance
i place between myself and my fellow [hu]man
but that one silly little tumblr post
it made my neighbor
and my ancestor
and the writer of the book i’m reading
and the anchor of the news show i’m fearing
and the baby in front of me
and the octogenarian on the other side of the world
and literally everyone in between
it made them all seem so much closer to me
in a sense of peace i had never before experienced
so i know that it’s probably not true
but what if it is?
and i tend to live my life based on “what ifs”
[as long as they don’t hurt anyone else]
and this particular “what if” has the tendency
to encourage
the opposite
so maybe think about it
or search out that og post
[it’s actually a pre-written short story called the egg by andy weir,
i just came across it on tumblr one day
as you do]
because i think it’s worth
the philosophizing
and the comfort
and the hope
it brings
how do any of us ride out this life?
there’s so much we could do
so much we do
so much i’ve done
but i constantly feel like
i’ve missed the boat on
so many things
everything
i don’t know how to get everything out of life
that i want to get out of it
so i’m just kinda
enjoying the ride at this point
admitting this isn’t how i thought it would go
but my adventures have been so
adventurous
and i do
love that
[maybe that is how you live life]
there are so many things i’d like to be doing
at all hours
of every day
writing
sewing
creating
flying
hanging out with friends
organizing my bookshelf
contemplating the mysteries of the world and the universe
and/or
just cuddling with my spouse and our animals
but i must participate
[albeit lightly]
in capitalism
and this country
[no matter how much i disagree
with so much of it
fundamentally]
and that includes having commutes
where many of my hobbies
cannot come out
and
an end of the day mind-numbing
exhaustion need that can sometimes only
be fed by silly stardew valley video games
and
a constant reminder in my head that
if i can’t make money off of a hobby
it’s not worth investing in
and
i hate that last brainwashing bit most of all
hobbies are hobbies for hobbies’ sake
i could tell you the benefits to heart and mind health
and creativity and the like
but
that gets us farther away from the point
which is that being alive
is about being alive
and sometimes we just gotta vibe
with the aliveness
that we have
and make a little shitty drawing
that makes us smile while we’re doing it
and makes a friend smile when they receive it
that’s what living is all about
[not capitalism
not capitalism
not capitalism]
trying
and trying
and trying again
and going
and running
and will there ever be a
rest?
[i mean, there just was
and i think that’s what makes this
sudden
rocket
into doing
so hard…]
kipventures 