November 2, 2025

getting up
getting ready
taking the puppy on a walk
sitting down to write
or eat
or prepare for the day

then going about the day
which could be any number of things:

circus
or
a script reading
or
teaching aerial to children
or
grand jury these days
[but only for four more days]
or
[and these are the days i miss]
just chilling at home
kissing the puppy
cuddling with the cat
taking a nap
doing some household chores
taking whatever time i want to take
and
maybe
writing a little more

[when will i get time
to be creative
throughout my days
again?]

October 17, 2025

damn
this performance just
snuck
right
up

i suppose it makes sense
what with
everything
else
going
on

but

i get to perform

i get to back-up dance

i get to watch my friends perform

and i get to co-host

[which is technically not an entirely new thing
for me, but the last time it happened was like
over ten years ago now, and i have almost no
memory of it, so it feels brand spanking new]

if you are near purchase, new york, why not stop on by
[tickets are free!]

https://www.ticketleap.events/tickets/queeryus/out-and-proud-a-ndod-celebration

September 30, 2025

once
a very very very long time ago
my parents
[who are, in their own right, a couple of kooky characters]
offhandedly mentioned to me
that i was such a weird being,
once i found someone who liked me
for me
i’d better hold onto them

and though i took it as a point of pride then
[and still kind of do now]
i’d be lying if i said it didn’t impact
my own personal perception of self
and value
et cetera
et cetera
et cetera

but i think
that’s why i’m drawn
and secured
here in aerial circus

this feels like the hobby
that saw me in all my wild and strange glory
and said “that one, we like them
we’d better hold onto them”

and so i clutch back on
even tighter
to circus

August 31, 2025

the pain in my arm
has never harmed me
in the air

this bothersome little
strain
on the tendon
is only ever annoying
when writing
or scrolling
or holding
or driving
it never affects me while flying
which is nice

but

it does make me think that
my bod just wants to be a circus performer
and nothing else
nothing
“normal”
at least

June 23, 2025

fascinating
to be so devoted
to encouraging folks
to join the circus

because, for me, circus means
a place where our human bodies
are the art — they become the
strength and ability we never thought we’d have
the magic of human feats
and humanity
is how i see
the circus

but i know

that’s aerial circus

modern cirque, if you will

traditional circus
[though i do love the music and the costumes and the vibe]
has a horrible history
of exploiting animals
[and people, honestly]
in troubling conditions
[to say the least]
and the word “circus”
to an elephant
may be
complete
and utter
trauma

January 19, 2025

my focus is
all over the place
wandering from
poetry
to internet-ing
to excitement for performing
to worry about the weather
to anticipation of the possibilities of my own
silly
videos
to apprehension of the upcoming
~event~
of tomorrow…

and i have no conclusion to this poem
for my focus can’t stay on one thing long enough
for such luxuries as
a nice
~ending~

October 30, 2024

away from the physical activity
that brings me joy
that saved my life
in more ways than i probably even know
prevented
by pandemic
by fear
by perfectionism
by injury
by overuse
by depression
and i just can’t seem to catch a break
though i’m trying so hard
to take a break
take a break
take a break
so i can get back to it
maybe
again
with the love
and passion
and joy
that i once found

October 28, 2024

rib
out of place
again???

how am i supposed to do
anything
when i’m constantly scared
of fucking up
my whole side
by simply wrapping myself up
in ways i have already done
countless times in the past?

how am i supposed to do
anything
when my body doesn’t even know
how it is supposed to be
aligned?

how am i supposed to do
anything
when i never know
if this pain is bad
or simply residual
recovery
pain?

[pain is my sole indicator
that something is wrong,
but i never ever know
if the pain is a warning
a crisis
or simply part of being…]