changing of seasons

September 24, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i am not ready for fall

i’m still trying to wear summer outfits
in 46 degrees
and shivering

i am not ready for fall

the night comes too early
and i simply want to
sleep

i am not ready for fall

the semester started with
a bang
and has yet to fizzle to something seeming
comfortable/doable for longer than looking
week
by week

i am not ready for fall

physically
mentally
emotionally

but something inside me says
it’s time for fall
some unknown piece that i have yet to identify
a cyclical part
or a section connected
deeper to the earth than i could have expected
could have written about before the fall
overtook me

but

i am not really for fall

and yet
in at least one way
i think i am ready for fall

and i’ll rely on that readiness
to lead me into the darkness
of autumn to winter
to too busy and too cold to do anything
to discomfort and cycles and sadness
so that i can be oh so ready when spring comes
to pick me back up

and who knows

maybe something exciting will come this season

we won’t know until we go

so
okay
i suppose
i am [somewhat] ready for fall

August 31, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the last day
of august
the last day to pretend it’s
summer

to pretend the year is not
already
coming to a close

around the corner are
colorful leaves
a chilling breeze
ghosts and ghouls
and witches and spiderwebs
and werewolves howling at the moon
and anxiety-ridden queers
out of school for years
still worried about supplies
and straight A’s
and making good first impressions
and before we know it
the holidays will come with a tsunami of
tumult and emotions and plans that don’t all fit together
and then the long
long
looong span of time after new year’s
but before the spring brightens things [and moods] up again

last year, the winter was especially hard for me
it seemed to last
absolutely
forever

what will this coming wave bring?

December 7, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

december is really hitting me like
a ton of bricks
being transformed quickly into feathers
[i still have some bruises, and some pokes,
but all in all it’s the suffocating stuffing that’s
hitting me rather than the pounding of existential pressure, so
at least that’s…
different]

September 1, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

things i am looking forward to
as the season changes
from summer to fall:

not needing the a/c units blasting all the time
the smell of brewing pumpkin spice coffee wafting through the house
spooky music for morning pages
spooky things everywhere
the smell of fallen leaves being stepped on
the sound of fallen leaves being stepped on
the lessening of all these mosquitos
and feeling like the crisp wind has forced me
AWAKE
after months of lazy hazy summer days turned to nights turned to days

there is an ephemeral liminalness to autumn
that even though it harkens the coming of my most hated season
i still do love its passing by

August 20, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

as fall approaches
but isn’t quite here
not yet
not yet

the memories of late summers past
invades my mind
sans consent
[do flashbacks ever ask?]
and no matter how stable
and lovely
and mine
my life is today

i keep seeing

loss
upon loss
upon lost trust
upon that feeling of any control in life
fleeting though it may have been
stolen in an instant

and this current administration
certainly doesn’t help this
weird ptsd i’ve found myself in

everything seems to be
culminating in something
and i continue to avoid all emotions and memories
until absolutely
necessary

August 24, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

august slips in
unassuming
hot and lazy
and fading summer away
till the end when it startles us
with our first few colder mornings —
the days still heat up
but the air around us breeds
change
that we should have seen coming

December 27, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i’d like to know
how
people do it:
accept the cycles of the earth
without resistance;
the changing of the seasons,
the darkening of days,
the yearly reminders
of time.

i try,
and i understand
logically
that this is how it goes;
there is no stopping
or halting
or pausing
or slowing
or adjusting
but still…

cycles make me sick.

i’ve never been able to accept them
internally,
so i’m certainly not going to be passive
about them passing
externally…

(i feel like i have a better way of explaining this
somewhere up my sleeve,
but right now
“cycles make me sick”
is the only thing i can register
as really getting across
what i have to say,
so i’ll stop here
and try to remind myself
that even the planet needs rest time,
and while time may not be
linear,
humans’ experiences of it is pretty near,
and maybe the problem is
i was simply built for another planet,
or at least another climate…)