my muscle-system contracts
and aches
and doesn’t quite pulse with pain
but it’s getting close
and there are no cramps
but damn
i might prefer such a thing
because at least a cramp can go away
and this tendon trouble
or maybe it’s muscle
i have no idea
but it stays
and stays
and sticks around
and i want to know what’s actually good for it — rest?
recovery?
light exercise?
heavy?
more reps?
less with larger weights?
what will help my body feel like
it’s actually working together
instead of against itself
all the damn time???
body
August 27, 2026
my body
likes rest
but not too much
not too much
and it likes working and stretching
but not overly so
and i know
i know
i know that nearly every body
benefits from moderation
in damn near everything
but
damn
i feel like my body is a little more finicky
about where exactly that moderation starts
and ends
and excess
begins
June 4, 2026
why
why
why must i keep waking up
in the 5:00 hour
when i don’t actually need to be getting out of bed
until 7am?
is it the sunlight? is it the stress? is it my body craving more time in the day?
is it the heat? is it the animals? is it my to-do list screaming me awake?
is it dehydration? overhydration? is it the caffeine coursing through my veins?
how much how much how much is my body in charge
vs. the external situation(s)
vs. me
March 5, 2026
my body feels like it is
about to fall completely
apart
and i simply hope it stays together
for one [or two] more circus lessons
and an evening voiceover class
after all that
it is welcome to
fail
because friday is the day
i have a two hour massage booked
and hopefully
hopefully
hopefully
that can put me back together again
[or at least break my body apart
in such a way
that fitting myself back
goes the right
way]
September 8, 2025
do other people’s bones
just kinda pop
and shift
into place
when their bodies move,
like they’re catching up
with the muscles and tendons and fat and signals
from the brain — the bones are lazing their days away
but are [eventually] taken along for the ride?
is that my whole issue? that literally none of my body parts move as one
unit?
i’m just body parts
and systems
and cells and bacteria and all the tiny things
all wrapped up into one trench-coat of an external “body”
[maybe that’s why they/them feels so good on me]
August 3, 2025
everything in my life
seems to be
on delayed reaction time —
processing traumatic events/
pain responses to any injury/
excitement and anxiety responses/
processing temperature changes in my body/
even my damn tarot cards seem
a little too far away from the reading
to the event they foretold
to be anything less than
delayed
[but, i suppose, that’s just how my body/soul
plays this little life game]
June 9, 2025
i’ve hit a roadblock
in my own lungs
and i can only theorize
about stress and anxiety showing itself in my body
before it gets to my conscious mind —
that’s the reason i can only take full breaths
in very specific instances
and never using the full capacity
of what my lungs should be
and i’m getting enough oxygen
[probably]
it’s just a little more than a little unsettling
to know i have more space for air
and to simply
not
be able to get it
March 22, 2025
burning hands
burning feets
burning face
how mystique
mistaken and confused
my kip’s nerve endings are being
have been
the last few weeks
[i hope we find out soon what’s going on]
January 22, 2025
i’d love to be a
“yes and”
find the funnest stream
go with the flow
and see whatever happens
happening
kind of person
but raising myself from the time i was
approximately 11
gave me some sort of
perfectionistic
type-a-personality
care and careful
self-preservation
overly cautious
kind of vibe constantly fighting against my
natural chaotic state
and hey
maybe it’s the opposite
maybe my natural state is more type-a
and the immediacy of seeing how
life is fleeting
gave me the drive to try to
induce chaos and joy in my life
but whichever way the truth lies
the sentiment still stands:
i have one part of me in chaos
and one part of me trying for strict alignment
and the two parts are forever fighting
inside my mind/my heart/my body/my soul
and rather than tempering each to a
reasonable level, they simply
stop
all action in either direction
and so i am neither cautious nor chaotic
i am simply
stuck.
January 11, 2025
trying desperately to please
at least two out of the three
of my soul/mind/body
but i think
i need to think
of the systems working together —
sometimes seemingly in opposition,
but they are all 100% part of me —
and if i can align myself
in harmony
and symmetry
with all three,
i think i may have an easier time
within the parts of me
that make me
me
kipventures 