flying
flying
flying
all aerial
is flying
all aerial
is playing
but
the high/dynamic kind
of flying trapeze
of cloud swing
especially
is playful
and feels like true
flight
to me
aerial circus
June 29, 2024
wounds
from circus
are worse than bruises
because they are usually burns
and they continue to make me squirm
in showers to clean them
and days afterwards
if they need band-aids
and then, finally, when they’ve stopped looking like
peeled flesh
and grossness,
and the healing process has set well in
the itch
is all-consuming
and unimaginably annoying
and because i usually never get them this bad
i can forget this stage
but right now
this healing thing on my ankle
is all my conscious can think about
and how much i want to scratch my whole skin off
but then the process would just start
all over again…
May 1, 2024
circus objects leave bruises,
kisses of green/brown/blue/purple
burns of bright red,
popped blood vessels and
convincing nerves to not overreact again
we love this art
and it loves us back — we even have the marks
to prove it
April 8, 2024
the world turns
rotates
and expected bright and dark
bright and dark
bright and dark
interrupts
the brightness of the dark
blocking out the daytime
for a moment
for a few minutes
the birds quiet
the spouse pauses work
and we look through two pairs of sunglasses
as the family group chat in cleveland
explodes
with iphone photos
and pictures of dslr cameras
alike
showing totality
showing what i could have seen
if i’d traveled for the experience
[still not quite as cool as a few years ago
when i observed even less totality
while flying on my moon-shaped lyra
outside and sunglassed and free]
November 3, 2023
ok
but
what was that
the joy
of performing
the high
of the show
of the adoration
of the whole crowd
screaming
yelling
cheering
for
me
[is that what i’ve been missing?]
July 22, 2023
the nerves
of all this past week
seem to melt away like butter
the morning of the show
just because
i’m so tired
and achey
and sleepy
and in pain
that i don’t even have the capacity
to feel much
of anything else
…hooray?
July 21, 2023
have i pushed myself
too far
too hard?
will i last
until
just past
the show?
can my body
ever
recover?
or am i making a big deal
out of this body
i have no idea how to deal with?
June 3, 2023
if only i could put all my hobbies
and helpfuls
into one basket of poetry—
the focus that comes from embroidery,
the loss of time and self
and feeling of fullness of art
of acting,
the power
and grace
of pulling one’s own body weight
up to an aerial apparatus
and seeing the whole room
spin
just this side of uncontrollably
around me,
and the expression
of my deepest most inner
mind
in a single poem
(or two)
(or three)
this is how you get to know me.
March 24, 2023
the thing they don’t tell you
about using your own body as art
is that some days
and even some weeks
things will feel harder/
take longer/
not align the way you’re used to/
but
if you push through
build the strength/endurance/technique you need
you’ll survive those times
and come out the other side
even more artful than you were
(at least that’s what i’m counting on—
i might still be in ‘one of those weeks’
even now
we’ll see
we’ll see)
February 16, 2023
my body feels like it is one slight accident away
from complete and total annihilation
but also
like it’s one good massage away from
actually feeling like a full and functional body once again
(so maybe i ought to schedule that body work)
