September 16, 2024

i know the steps i’d take
and the things i’d say
to be mean

but i never say or do them
they remain inside my mouth/my throat/buried deep inside my mind

and though those actions i’ve never taken
and i know i never will,
how come having those thoughts alone makes me feel like
the worst person who has ever lived?

[i know i know the point is
we cannot control our immediate reactions/thoughts/feelings,
but what we can control —
and what shows the merit of a person —
is how we act on them, but i guess i just want to be so good of a human
that i never have human feelings
ever]

September 15, 2024

really
poetry can be whatever we make of it
whatever we want it
to be

but

i’ve spent so much time
trying to get everything
“right”
in other aspects of art and life
how do i ever make anything
that is just only solely
mine?

September 14, 2024

Friday
the Thirteenth of March
Twenty-Twenty
our tickets to Hadestown
blinked into oblivion
as Broadway shut down

and though a two-week shut-down
then turned to four,
and then a month,
and slowly more,
and our money was eventually refunded,
and vaccines were developed and administered,
and boosters,
and we caught the ‘vid,
and got more shots,
and caught it again,
and a few Friday the Thirteenths passed,
it never felt like the right time
to try again — our luck had been so bad
[as with tv shows we find early on and love,
which end up getting only season one
or season two at best, when we all know the arc started
would account for at least five] so kip and i stayed away
from part of the reason we moved here anyway —
seeing only shows when we could get last-minute tickets
from other people:
A Strange Loop
because the original ticket owners caught the pandemic sickness
[remember, just because there’s a vaccine for a rapidly mutating virus
doesn’t mean the pandemic is over,
remember, remember, remember, please];
Cursed Child
because our friend is in it and can give us comp tickets
so we don’t give that terf any any any of our money;
plus a few non-Broadway shows
still bought not at all in advance
because we remain so scared
of getting our hopes up
and having them dashed

but a week before this Friday the Thirteenth
of September this time
in Twenty-Twenty-Four this time
we agreed
to finally see
Hadestown

and while it wasn’t what we expected,
it was still spectacular
[with spectacle being something
integral to the Broadway experience, and done very
very well
and very in-the-story for this tale to tell]
and the talent amazing
and a few songs still stuck in our head

and it does feel like some sort of an end to an era
but maybe, better yet, a beginning
to exploring what other theaters have to offer
without feeling the heavy hand of a made-up curse
behind
us

September 11, 2024

blanket cat
blankets me with all of her
over my lap
dripping down my leg
covering all she can cover
in one tiny cat body
the opposite of loafing
she liquifies and spreads out
and blankets herself
over
me

~~~

blanket cat, also because
the minute you have a blanket on your lap
she cannot resist
the draw
of a comfy place to sit

~~~

poor little puppy ear
did nothing to the dog who was near
but something happened
and the bite landed
and now a little notch is part of our Comps’s visage

poor little puppy ear
poor little puppy
you don’t deserve this pain
or fear
or anything bad
but at least your cute scruffy ear is going to look
so adorable with a tiny notch on the side

[the one piece of solace
we have to hang on to]

September 10, 2024

interesting
interesting
i wrote but i didn’t post
yesterday

i wonder what that means
i wonder what that means

and the puppy just freaked out and boof-howled
but she hadn’t done that with Kip not around

i wonder what that means

and the cat has been perching on my lap
far more in the last couple of weeks
than since we lost Louka

i think i might know what that means

and additionally
i feel like
my writing has gotten
so
much
worse
lately

i wonder
what
that
means