September 29, 2024

thought i’d write about yesterday
yesterday
at night, as a meditation
a mullination
on happenings and debriefings
and chill-times
but instead it was
two denny’s-es in one day
and conversations and wonderings
and connections and
i think that’s exactly what i needed
yesterday

September 26, 2024

so much i could be/should be doing
but i’m not doing
i’m not doing
instead i’m exhausted
i’m last-minute-ing
i can’t even tell if i’m
excited
or apprehensive
but i keep going
somehow
somehow
i keep going

September 25, 2024

once upon a time
[like maybe a year or so ago]
i started writing poetry
based on prompts
to try to train my mind
to come up with the kinds of lines
that would work in a
park-based
typewriter-written
pay-per-poem
endeavor

and i stopped because

i don’t know

i guess i assumed i’d never be quite
good enough

but hey
it gave me different poems
than writing about writing about writing
every morning

so maybe
poemtober
[poem-october]
will be a boon
for my own brain
and feeling stuck in cycles
of poetry
for poetry’s
sake

September 22, 2024

the disappointment i feel in my own government
in my own daily interaction with the people of this country
or even the world

maybe i should start writing fiction more
just to be able to be around the people i enjoy
and in spaces where i’m not
constantly hounded by the existential depression of
“this could be so much better
but it just
isn’t”

September 20, 2024

‘you’ve already survived all your worst days’
could be so helpful
so hopeful
but to me/to my always overthinking brain, i wonder if i haven’t
if i’m somewhere deep in my mind, and i’m actually unsurviving,
or if that just means that the ones i have survived
have been pieces of cake compared to
what’s coming
what’s coming,
and also, i tend to compare
i try not to, but it’s what my brain does
automatically
without me asking
and my worst day felt so bad in my mind
but there are others who have had to deal with external worsts
and they are going through that literally daily
as my country continues to aid the perpetrators
sending money and explosives to a country
that literally doesn’t need it
so why are we still providing
pieces of other people’s
worst days
worst days
worst
days
?