i don’t always know
what i want to say
but i know when i’m not saying it
October 8, 2024
it still feels like the future
whenever i see the year
starting with a two
rather than a one
and it simply feels
unreal
to not have double zeros
between the first and last digit
i wonder if my brain will ever let go
of this harsh divide
between old millennium=safe
and new millennium=completely unknown
October 7, 2024
i wish i knew
exactly what my body needs.
like, is it consistent sleep?
[if it is, then why won’t it let me rest?]
is it a full, balanced meal?
[if it is, why do i get nauseous half the time
looking at food that isn’t a
comfort?]
is it socialization
and people and
connecting?
[if it is, why must my nervous system
react so poorly whenever i’m around
anyone anyone anyone?]
is it something new that i haven’t even thought of yet?
[if it is, why am i so scared to do
anything?]
October 6, 2024
i don’t know what i’m doing
and yet
i keep doing it
October 5, 2024
yesterday i got the shot
yes
that shot
and the other one
and i continued to feel it
feel it
feel it
for so long
i thought discomfort and suffering
had become part of my personality
but as the vaccine reaction faded
and even though i still have a busted rib
and a busted calf for some reason
i’m not nearly as
hopeless
as i was
even earlier
today
October 4, 2024
meander into my life
and i’ll appreciate you forever/
meander out and i’ll still
talk about you
lovingly
from time to time to time/
force your way in, and i’ll find space
in my heart
for everything you have to say
and everything you represent/
but force your way out
and i’ll never ever ever ever
ever ever forgive you
~~~
the trauma and angst is heavy this morning
and yet it feels brighter
and happier
than mornings have been
lately
~~~
capture the light of life
in poetry
and maybe
life will capture you
and kiss you
and place you back
gently
into the light
October 3, 2024
i don’t know what to write about
except gibberish
and nothingness
October 2, 2024
oh no
oh no
it turned october
and instead of spooky happy cozy time
i just got
depression
October 1, 2024
it’s the helplessness that gets to me
not that i feel
un-helped
but how unhelpful i feel to those
i know
are suffering.
September 30, 2024
windshield wipers
swipe the gentle drizzle
away from my sight
as i try to listen
and hear
and absorb
and accept
this love coming at me from the passenger side
but it’s hard when your own brain gives you ways
to always counter with absurd logic
anything better than
utter self-hatred
but i’m trying
i’m trying
i’m trying
kipventures 