September 6, 2026

300 words
is my writing goal
every morning

and i usually hit it
[no, not always, but usually]
and i usually feel settled
by that time

enough words to get the morning sleepies out
enough words to find a thing i’m fine with posting
enough words to feel warmed up
emotionally/intellectually/creatively
for the day

but these past few days
300 does not feel like enough

and there isn’t anything that says
300 is a limitation
it is literally a minimum
[and even then, these are all rules i set for myself
so if i can only do about three words
that turn into a short poem day,
that’s fine for me,
that’s fine
that’s fine]

but i find it incredibly interesting
that a few weeks ago
i ran into multiple days
i couldn’t even find the time to write
anything
and now, two-ish weeks later
i’m itching
for more
and more
and more writing time

and making it happen

[am i, after five and a half years of this silly, self-imposed writing challenge
becoming something like
a “real”
writer?]

September 5, 2026

writing exercises
that rely on memory
and childhood
always piss me off

the parts of my childhood that i only have
the foggiest of emotional memories of
were absolutely idyllic

the parts of my childhood
where i can actually picture
outfits and items and hear words and activities being done
those are at least shadowed if not fully enveloped in
approaching tragedy
and/or soon to be
trauma

don’t ask me to remember things
my brain has no clear memory of

and don’t ask me to partake in a “fun activity”
when everything i may bring up
may bring the room
down

[it is not a compulsion i’m working against —
it is simply the facts of my own
past]

September 4, 2026

learning new things
talking to new people

just because i
stepped out of my house yesterday

[and yes, i could have/should have
been doing many chores on my
forever growing to do list, but
hey, i fell a little more in love with
this city and its people and
nerds in general, and i love being
able to just go to a thing i know
almost nothing about and make
friends and learn so so so much]

[that’s what living in
nyc is all about, right?]

September 2, 2026

strange dreams about
abandoned houses connected to ours
about
strangers and mta drivers trying to make
a better plan for other folks in the area
about
kip trying to protect me from certain things
and then acting like me when faced with
other things
about
observing and assessing and waiting to make conclusions
about getting out of places quickly
and about
my father
just hanging out

all somehow connected
and completely disconnected
kind of like the two buildings being dreamed about

oh, and also about
nature
reclaiming
in beautiful ways

September 1, 2026

raise your hand if you’re a grand schemer
who grew up with parents who supported
and encouraged your ideas, and had plans
of their own that you saw never come to
pass because of some combination of time
and effort and sickness and death and now
even though you still have such lofty goals
you know deep inside you that you’ll never
ever ever achieve them because your whole
life is predicated on the fact that plans
never
actually go through and get done to the
endings as wanted and though you still
try to start things you are aware that the
learned patterns and subconscious trauma
makes it almost impossible for you to
see anything through at all ever in your life

or is that just me?

August 31, 2026

the last day
of august
the last day to pretend it’s
summer

to pretend the year is not
already
coming to a close

around the corner are
colorful leaves
a chilling breeze
ghosts and ghouls
and witches and spiderwebs
and werewolves howling at the moon
and anxiety-ridden queers
out of school for years
still worried about supplies
and straight A’s
and making good first impressions
and before we know it
the holidays will come with a tsunami of
tumult and emotions and plans that don’t all fit together
and then the long
long
looong span of time after new year’s
but before the spring brightens things [and moods] up again

last year, the winter was especially hard for me
it seemed to last
absolutely
forever

what will this coming wave bring?

August 30, 2026

my muscle-system contracts
and aches
and doesn’t quite pulse with pain
but it’s getting close
and there are no cramps
but damn
i might prefer such a thing
because at least a cramp can go away
and this tendon trouble
or maybe it’s muscle
i have no idea
but it stays
and stays
and sticks around
and i want to know what’s actually good for it — rest?
recovery?
light exercise?
heavy?
more reps?
less with larger weights?
what will help my body feel like
it’s actually working together
instead of against itself
all the damn time???

August 29, 2026

blocked driveway
day
after day
after day, not always the same
car, but damn… do they not see the orange
tickets on yesterday’s sedans? do they not see
me exiting and entering in my own little blue vehicle?
do they not see the curb ending?
do they only see the overgrown-ness to our outside plants
and the other houses in the area that have converted
old garages to apartments and rooms and assume? or do they just see
a space away from construction signs and other cars
and think ‘thank goodness’ and then
that’s that?

maybe it’s time to put out a sign that says
‘do not block driveway’
or ‘active driveway’ or something like that

but i’m not convinced
they’ll even see that
if they haven’t seen
any of these many other indicators
in the past…

August 28, 2026

of course it’s when avoiding one thing
that i’m finally in the mood to do
another long avoided task

is that human nature?

is that the trauma?

is that maybehd?

could it be
all three?