why
do i only feel ‘good’ at something
when i’m in enough to know
the difference between
solid and not
and i’m early enough to not put undue pressure
on myself—-
but the minute i might add the label ‘professional’
i lose all self-perspective/
expect myself to be
miles better
than where i started

but i’m only me
i can only act where i’ve been
i can only write of what i know
and only let the words flow as they go
and i can’t force anything in emotional expression

so please
(i beg of myself)
let me be
and let me be me
and don’t expect perfection
because it isn’t a real thing
(and it never has been,
but that’s a lesson
for another
poem)