July 12, 2026

tiny books and booklets
and notebooks and scraps of paper
and bound and unbound pages
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere

what will i ever do with all these writings?

[what will i ever do with this digital equivalent as well?]

July 8, 2026

writing has always been how i
come to terms with my emotions

even before i wrote poetry every morning
i would analyze things through personal essay

and even before i was intrigued by a writing major
i was writing-creating things
constantly:

scenes
lists of characters
concepts
a single piece of dialogue
just a whole bunch of names i loved

while those might not be the
standard journal-to-figure-out-ones-feelings kind of writings
i think they were my way of figuring things out
in my brain — lists to organize the chaos
constantly thinking in theatre
ideas upon ideas upon ideas

maybe that’s what i should do as a writing challenge;
find one of the concepts i created as a child
and see how far i get in the process of fully committing to it
and creating it
and making it come to life as a fully fleshed-out piece
[whatever kind of writing that may be]
as an adult…

that could be fun…!

June 27, 2026

writing before 7
writing before i’m fully awake
writing before breakfast
before coffee fully takes effect
before i know what my mind is doing this day
but i also know
later today
i’ll have no desire to write
or
the desire will be there
but the motivation
the actually action
will cease
so morning writing it is
with its
imperfections
and sleepy word choices
and distractability

at least i’m sitting here
writing

that’s more than i can say for
the rest of my day

June 25, 2026

i wish i could think of all the words i can’t think of right now

i wish i could recall all the vocabulary that’s in my head
but they’re stuck behind sticky mind-doors
where the mental wood has warped over the years of trauma
and protecting myself against trauma

the maze in my mind
simply to find
a fucking synonym
is atrocious

[i measure out how detrimental it is to the poem
if i should sit and think, and perhaps get lost in my own thoughts
or stop and look it up on the internet, and thereby lose the spell i cast
on my own poetry being sans-internet-influence,
or ask my kip
or set a reminder to go back and check
at a later time…

usually i set a reminder in the way of brackets around one word
and hope i can find the exact alternate
i thought i could think of
at the time of writing]

May 6, 2026

as i write
and write and write
throughout my life
i wonder what it’s all about
who it’s all for

if it’s all for me, that seems
statistically
a little daft

for there are billions of
people on this planet of ours
and even more that have come before
and will join us
after we are all
gone

so to write for only one life
that feels
foolish

but again, the human condition is such that
writing truly and honestly
for yourself
often makes happenstance happen
and many many others
see themselves in your
words

so to write for others
in a way that makes others feel seen
you need not think of the others
[you must not think of the others]
else the writing comes off as
cliche
or trying to hard
or pandering to an audience

i can’t stop myself from thinking of an audience
even as i write these morning poems
daily
daily
daily
that i doubt even i could ever get through
on a re-read

i can’t help but wonder
if someone will love reading my words
with as much care and mild obsession
as i took writing them

[or is that not true — i’m not really careful
or obsessing
as i write these
every
single
morning — i’m flinging them
stanza by stanza
out into the ether
and hoping they catch the eye
of someone
who needs them]

April 21, 2026

making sure i write
and write and write
until all the words i’ve written
are poetry
or at least something like it

and i’ll have something to post
and something to read
in the future
when/if/when i reread everything
looking for something
that may
might
perhaps
stand the test of time

April 3, 2026

the internet is absolutely packed
with everything

with hatred and inspiration and foolishness and memes
and i saw
once
a piece of advice that said
[approximately]

“don’t stop writing, you’re in the middle of creating
someones favorite book.
don’t
stop
now!”

and i think about that
from time to time

because we never know what we’ll end up being
to someone else

and, though i can’t imagine my writing
being someone’s absolute favorite, i can see it
impacting
in a way i didn’t imagine

and for that reason

i suppose

i’ll keep going.

March 12, 2026

poetry-writing
poetry-thinking
poetry-mulling and pondering and shirking
duties to home and work
in order to write and ponder and mull and think
and write some more

i really do need to
see if anyone else would ever
want to read these silly poems

where do i even start to look
when i don’t have a social media
in which to peruse
and obsess
and screenshot
and never ever ever apply to?