writing exercises
that rely on memory
and childhood
always piss me off

the parts of my childhood that i only have
the foggiest of emotional memories of
were absolutely idyllic

the parts of my childhood
where i can actually picture
outfits and items and hear words and activities being done
those are at least shadowed if not fully enveloped in
approaching tragedy
and/or soon to be
trauma

don’t ask me to remember things
my brain has no clear memory of

and don’t ask me to partake in a “fun activity”
when everything i may bring up
may bring the room
down

[it is not a compulsion i’m working against —
it is simply the facts of my own
past]