writing about writing

March 14, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

so much happened yesterday
and i
didn’t even poem about it
[yet]

~~~

{trigger warning: suicidal ideation, mention of eating disorders}

my overanalytic brain
that runs through every possibility
that made a whole “pro & con” list
on which eating disorder
to give myself
is probably the same thing
that has saved me
from actually killing myself
every time i’ve gotten close
in these
ideations

~~~

distracted
and distractable
and not what i wanted
from my day at home
preparing to do things
i should be doing
should have done
days
weeks
months
ago
but am i just going to
nap
again
until it’s time to leave
again?
again?
again?

March 12, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i really don’t know
what i should be doing
when all is in limbo
and my mind flails out for
something
anything to do —
if i should be going out for roles
clearing out those spiderwebs and
putting my acting brain to task

if i should be writing more
and speaking up against power
with the words my fingertips
help me find
morning after morning after morning

if i should be using my body
in the ways i’ve learned
so recently — power in muscles
consistently picking up my own bodyweight
for fun
for art
for staying fit
in imminent societal collapse

but when i can’t figure out what i should do
i tend to mend things that need mending;
i darn my own and my spouse’s socks,
i close up a hole the puppy has torn in her
cheaply-made and roughly-loved toy,
i patch up jeans
and other pants,
and make art out of scraps,
and maybe that’s the “should” in all this
uncertainty —

make sure we
are not as beholden to consumerism
as we very well could be

March 10, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i wish i saw through poet’s eyes
the beauty of the earth at all times —
but instead i see the pain and despair
and try to beautify that
with impassioned speeches/
or try to find the tiniest spec
of lovely
in a day full of pain/
and make the mundane
beautiful again

though it doesn’t really feel like
poetry
to me
without grand sunsets
or allegories of bees and flowers,

i’m over here trying —
making beauty out of angst
and bubble gum

March 5, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

build a concept
from words and stanzas,
make it stand like the structure of a house

but the house still needs full walls and floors and a roof to keep it dry
so decide:
are the walls paragraphs of a story?
is the foundation actually one a play can stand upon?
or will the covering shelter end up being a whole novel?

or will it stay a poem forever?

only reviewing and editing can do that —

but only writing the first few words
will give you the skeleton
to build upon

March 1, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i feel like i need to let myself write
Whatever
in the morning

i’m stuck in the process of
Morning Pages
to be about me
and Morning Poetry
to share with others,
but this habit is For Me By Me
so if i should, say, want to write a little script
or short story where
i have no idea where it’s going,
that’s for me to decide
[plus, i still have so many poems in the past
and i’m sure i’m going to keep writing
personal/postable poetry as i go,
i can take a day or so
to write weird maybe non-poetry type things]

[and perhaps
possibly
maybe one day
i may even
post one]

February 9, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i keep feeling
almost
ready to write

like i
almost
have a concept i’m happy with

or i have
almost
found the optimal writing situation/
location/
time of day/
mood/
lighting/
sound/
something/
etc.

but

if imperfection is what i’m looking for
in the product
then perhaps
i should look for that, too
in the process

January 21, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

just write through
the pain and
the loss and
the lost feelings and
the sleepiness and
the exhaustion and
the boredom and
the mundanity and
the distractions and
the battles and
the fight and
when the fight leaves us
for an hour or a day or a year
or so
we can write ourselves
back into the fight
if it means enough to us

[and yes, it means enough
to me]