July 19, 2021

the morning
early morning
just woken up morning
was spent crafting
a thought
a poem
a contemplation
about acting
about anxiety
about newfound epiphanies in my head

but the regular
morning pages
morning poems
morning contemplation
meditation
time
was spent arranging
and planning
and father-talking

which is all okay
but suffice it to say
i’m a little off my poetry game
now.

July 13, 2021

i have been filled
recently
with inspiration
true inspiration
flowing inspiration
from all over
and this morning
i had
*something*
i wanted to write about
to explore in words
to contemplate out loud
[on doc]
but it’s left me
dry
and i’ve hated everything i’ve started so far
so maybe a prompt is the way to go???

~~~

are poems of dreams
really more interesting
than a telling of that same
dream?

a prompt told me to write
out
a dream i remember
in as much detail
as i can remember

but here’s the catch:
my dreams
(like my thoughts)
are conceptual,
abstract
(at least in what i remember,
retain;
the dreams themselves are pretty mundane)

i remember
[maybe]
[possibly]
dreaming of the pants
i decided to wear today
deep pockets
large legs
flowing around
but still split
my nicknamed ‘gender euphoria pants’
because they are technically genderless
and anyone can wear them
it’s just a lot of people don’t
and i think my gender is not aligned
with the male or the female
the man or the woman
but instead
i’d call my gender
Cryptid.
(so anything that sets me
ever so slightly apart,
that makes you go “i think that was a human,
but i’m not entirely sure”
that’s me
that’s my gender
that’s my euphoria)
but i think i dreamed of these pants
reaching into the pocket
not finding the bottom exactly where i expected
and maybe there was something important there
and maybe i did eventually find it
and maybe there were other people/places/things inside this dream
but what i remember
are the pants
and the reach
and that’s it.

was that actually interesting content???

~~~

(i wonder if there are any of our animals
who are trans
and would rather be
“misgendered” by strangers
than have us
continually
“correct” them.
i think this might be why
i so rarely actually correct the stranger.
i’ll use the pronoun i know them as,
but not make a big deal out of it
(unless we’re at the vet
and it might affect the type of care)
but just in case
the animal gets some gender euphoria
every time a stranger
refers to them
by the “opposite gender”
than i know them as
i don’t want to come barreling in
with a correction
that is not
actually
correct.)

July 11, 2021

after a whole week
of living in
the slam poem i created,
orated,
and sent,
it feels strange to come back to this
daily task
and the ask
of simply writing how my thoughts attack

(and, as you can see,
my verse is still solidly in slam,
but how long that’ll stay,
is a question i am
unable to answer
at this time.)

but continue the flow,
maybe i’ll discover a way to recover
the thoughts i’d lost in the far reaches, corners, attics and basements
of my meandering mind
and find
the mode
to just
Go.