my fear
is so loud
that i’ll write about something
i don’t understand
and offend
or embarrass
[others/myself in that order]
and rather than trying
and learning
i hide
and hide harder
and hide longer
and hide farther into myself
just wanting
wanting
wanting
to write
but never doing any of it in sight.
writing about not writing
October 1, 2023
i can’t concentrate today
at least not on the creative aspects of me
maybe it’s a good day
to just
rest
[if i can allow myself
simply
to be]
August 20, 2023
after a few days
of none morning pages
perhaps today will be a day
of one morning pages
August 12, 2023
when
will i get my
writing
back?
my churning out poem
after poem
of things
even i think
are gold?
my extended long poems
studying a single subject
until i learn
the poem wasn’t even about that
to begin with —
it was about some emotion
i’ve been feeling
but not identifying
for a while yet?
my ease
of writing poetry
every morning
without fail
without procrastination
without this trudge
through molasses
in my mind?
when?
when?
when?
August 10, 2023
going through
a ‘gak’ phase
a ‘gulp’
a ‘meh’
a ‘throw up a little in my mouth
at my own words and thoughts and talents’
time
a momentary loss
of perceived
good-at-writing
(at least from my own perspective)
and i need
to remind
myself
it happens,
it happens;
it’s temporary,
it’s temporary.
(and for now
maybe
indulge in some
bad
writing)
July 31, 2023
too tired to write long-form
too distractible to even start
something short
i hope i get to nap today.
July 15, 2023
giving up on
one contest
for a guaranteed
expression
of self
giving up on
a new book club
(at least this month)
for connection
with spouse
with pup
with cat
with friend
giving up on
a couple of mornings
of poem-tidings
for sharing
my emotions
when they’re ready
to be written about
when they’re ready
to be shared
when they’re ready
when i’m ready
when
i’m
i am
July 13, 2023
unaware what to write
this morning,
perhaps i’ll
just continue
diverging
learning
creating
etc.
February 25, 2023
i’m not in the mood
to poetize
today
maybe i will be
later
but now
i’d rather be cleaning
picking up the tiny little things
that make this table less clutter-y,
i’d rather be sweeping
vacuuming
bringing down indoor fences
so our puppy can romp around the downstairs
without the temptation of the couch
just yet,
i’d rather be chatting with my spouse/
beading random accessories/
eating/drinking/getting the day started/
watching the puppy
destroy all our craft supplies/
i’d rather be doing anything
but poem-writing
and yet
here i am:
faithful and firm/
stubborn and steadfast,
i made a vow/
committed to a challenge,
and i’m nothing if not
consistent
[ish]
February 19, 2023
the focus
of today
is failing
whether i write one hundred words
or one
i can’t seem to keep them all in line
with one another
i’m not one to give up
but i am known for knowing
when i’m fighting a losing battle
and maybe it’s simply time
to give myself
a [day’s]
break
kipventures 