i just want to run around in a field
or forest
without having to worry
about taxes
or dinners
or interpersonal relationships
except for those i create in my mind
where is my idyllic adulthood?
worry
January 9, 2025
the fires
spread through my imagination
and burn up my sleeping dreams
to alert me
when i awake
to check on LA friends
and see how they’re doing
this morning
January 12, 2024
what a stressful last couple of days
what a travel/missed communication/vertigo/sleepy sleepy exhaustion couple of days
what a worry worry worry couple of days
i’m glad we’re back and together and okay.
October 3, 2023
yesterday’s worries
turn to today’s realities
and mostly we feel silly
for so damn much anxiety
March 11, 2023
stressors
and calm, collected cuddles
anxiety
and my therapist saying she’s proud of me
worry
and taking every step to see it all through
July 8, 2022
ever feel like
you’ve regressed
in your talent
even while you’ve spent
every
single
day
practicing at it?
nah, me neither…
July 7, 2022
i heard an acting coach say, once,
that her actors and their problems
could be pretty precisely divided up
into two distinct groups:
those who did all the homework, and needed to stop thinking so hard,
and those who weren’t coming in with the work done, and needed to put forth
more effort
i feel like i fall into both categories,
no matter how split she thought them;
i overthink and overanalyze and over worry
and yet, i feel like i never actually finish my basic homework,
and i come in with the feeling of flying by the seat of my pants
every chance
i get.
maybe i am in the first group
and my problem is
even while i’m not doing work
(and therefore think i’m in the second group)
i am still worry-working
and spending a whole ton of mental energy
as if i were in the first group
and that makes my general vibe
an over-thinker
over worker
over do-er
so where does that leave me now?
January 18, 2022
as i do more things
i feel like my mainstays
stay in the background
(so far back
that i forget if i did them
or not)
but they are habits/rituals/consistencies
for a reason
(and it is not the worst thing
in the world
to miss a day
or two)
so
stop
worrying
about it,
and stop
worrying
like there’ll be punishment
if some other thing takes a day
away
just because
physical exercise
has been added
and social classes
have continued
doesn’t mean
the morning poems will cease
or the language learning
will falter
there used to be
dozens
of things
in your day,
you enjoyed
filling
the day-lit hours…
don’t force it,
just
remember.
September 1, 2021 (part 2)
i feel
as though
i am the observer
the storyteller
the tie-togetherer
when it comes to global climate change;
i travel
and watch
and observe
and i see the Bronx flooding
and Brooklyn flooding
and then i travel away
from the concrete and subway tunnels and solid architecture
to the malleable lands
hills and valleys and mountains
of Pennsylvania
and i see the flooding of that countryside
ditches
becoming creeks
becoming rivers
becoming flooding alerts all over the roads
every hour or two another alert in on my phone
knowing it’s the aftereffects of a hurricane
and seeing watch-warnings for tornados
seeing the sky go dusk-dark at 1pm
and open up, finally, to the brightness
of 6pm
as we drive out of the stormclouds
heading where we had been…
i am aware that nature is unpredictable
and that storms like these often happen in a lifetime
but i’ve now lived directly through at least three ‘one in a lifetime’ storms
(and watched probably 20 others from afar)
and i am
worried.
kipventures 