december is really hitting me like
a ton of bricks
being transformed quickly into feathers
[i still have some bruises, and some pokes,
but all in all it’s the suffocating stuffing that’s
hitting me rather than the pounding of existential pressure, so
at least that’s…
different]
winter blues
February 15, 2025
the house plants shine a little greener
against the dreary outside sky
in the winter months
January 8, 2025
Cold
like Wisconsin was all winter
Cold
the opposite of what’s happening in LA, apparently, with their literal
red
hot
fires
Cold
the temperature outside is below freezing
and the “feels like” temperature is in the
single digits
Cold
but we have a house
and food
and warm warm booties
Cold
but this is only one day
in one week
in one month of one winter
and the days are already getting longer
Cold
and tomorrow may be
Cold
as well, but we’ll survive the
Cold
we will
we will.
December 23, 2024
we can do it
we can get through
the darkest/coldest months
because already
the sun is rising a little earlier
and setting a little later
we’ve made it through the darkening
and now we just need to have the temperature
catch up
December 2, 2024
it is only the second day
of the last month of the year
and not even winter
quite yet
and yet
the air has already started to taste stale
and my drive for surviving
ebbing away every minute
and i can’t see how
i’ll get through
next year
[was my premonition
as an angsty teen
just delayed by a couple of decades?]
December 21, 2023
it’s that time of year
where the only dopamine is from the bright decorative lights after the sun sets at 4
and that of the morning sun hitting the frost just so
as i shiver in my own home
[no matter what the heat is set to]
and i can’t help but wish for the brighter days/the warmer ways
that summer months send us
and annoy us
and i would much rather be complaining of too much heat
than even a little bit of cold —
my muscles tighten up in winter,
my whole body stops moving smoothly,
and i can’t can’t cannot get happy
no matter what i do
[i can’t even get into
writing poetry in
the morningtime]
[but at least it gets better from here on out, right?]
December 2, 2023
the focus
is off
it has been
for at least 24 hours
and i can’t tell if it’s sleep-related
or stress
or sadness
or winter weather
or holiday pressure
or whatever
but the focus
is off
the focus
is off
and it’s not seeming
to fix itself
back on
February 28, 2023
it took until
the night before
the last day of February
for snow to fully blanket
New York City
and that last day,
did it glisten and glow?
did it soften the world?
were there snowmen and angels about?
no.
24 hours post-semi-blizzard,
the air around it
started to melt the white stuff,
and turn it into ice over that night,
and dripping, dropping slush the next day.
what a grey and gloomy,
cold and foreboding,
proof of climate change winter
we’ve had this year
August 30, 2022
why do i yearn
for the hot hot hot climate
yet once it’s here
in my own back/front/side yard
i’m exhausted
can’t sleep
can’t wake up
walking feels like swimming
and breathing feels like dying
but i know
once it gets colder
my body rejects the climate
in other ways
(as does my brain)
so i suppose i’ll just
be a sleepy ball of sweat
for the next however many months
and enjoy not being a depressed icicle with nerve-pain
for what seems like
every
single
day
till the end of time
January 31, 2022
it’s about to be
That Time:
February.
in a non-leap-year,
February and March
have the same date attached
to the same day of the week,
and this messes me
the fuck
up.
i’ve missed more appointments
than i care to admit
scheduling them for February
when i thought i’d scheduled them for March,
and more than a few
shown up too early
seeing the day and the date come up
in the second month of the year
just to have them actually be
in the third.
i know ‘reading the date more carefully’
is a way around this,
but sometimes my eyes see
exactly what they want to see
instead of what is
(and especially within this
year three
of a global porcupine ,
where concentration is lacking
in most of us
due to collective trauma
observed
[directly or indirectly]
day in
and day out
and day in
and day out
and my only saving grace
last year
was that nothing needed to be scheduled
during these months;
resurgences,
and my own clumsy injuries,
and the cold outside,
and my own seasonal depression…
i hid through most of the winter,
hibernated the initial instance of
‘Tuesday the first’
away)
but
i’m trying to be more proactive
more energized
more engaged
this year
so i’ll read
and re-read
and re-re-re-read
and have my spouse check
the dates of things
(or just not schedule anything
non-consistent
at all)
(i mean, hey,
there’s a reason i scheduled my booster
for today,
the last day in January,
a date i won’t even see
for another
fifty-nine
days)
and maybe
just maybe
this therapy
of breathing
and taking my time
and forgiving myself
my past errors
is [could be] helping?
kipventures 