running through my head are
the carols kip included in
their hocus focus holiday lofi
that they made in record time
[the app as well as the ditty itself]
and the silly, almost spooky song
of lionel richie
remade for the land of lego
[and my nyc v/o debut]
and was this poem just a sneaky way
to share this house’s kipmas sucesses
with whomsoever reads this poem?
well, yes.
here we are
working[auditioning]actor
less time for
writing
more time for
figuring out
[im]perfectionism
we are now
well into
the third year
of living in new york city
and though i’m not where i thought i’d be,
the whole world isn’t where it thought it’d be
either.
the pandemic has really taken the onus
off my own head
for what i wanted to accomplish
when i got here,
and redirected my aims
not lower
just sideways-er,
from theatre/circus/maybe film
to voiceover/film/maybe circus
(and a little activism in there
because how could you not be
when looking at
this world)
and theatre…?
who knows what will happen
within this third year
(within these next few months/weeks/days)
but i do know that
governmental policies (or lack thereof) really left the public
out in the cold
at the very beginning
of this whole ordeal
and haven’t been able to rectify
that harm
(nor have i seen much in the way of trying)
and i shouldn’t have expected any better
but man
do i want
to trust
that people
will do the right things,
but power seems to corrupt
even the
best of us…
but
i was talking about
living in new york city
and my life here
(or lack thereof)
and all i have to say is,
though i don’t think i ever really got
the ‘true’
living in nyc experience,
i still suspect
i couldn’t live
anywhere
else.
my bursts of energy
of passion
come when i least expect them
after a particularly successful acting class?
nah
after weeks and weeks and weeks of depression
almost as a way to bring myself out of the slump?
nah
after a few days of getting really into embroidery
and getting inspired by clothing design
and finishing my current re-watch of one tv show
(but still in the middle of another)
and finishing one project
and feeling like celebration is fine
but rest is not
and getting particularly bored
yes
that is exactly when i’ll want to record
and submit for gigs
and audition
and maybe apply for representation
i just wish there were a way to access this
when the depression sets in
and everything else is exactly the same
but the boredom goes into self-sabotage
instead of inspiration
(and i wish i knew how long this inspiration would last;
last time it stayed for barely a day,
hardly any time to get a gig,
much less apply to multiple)
but voiceover feels a little less enigmatic,
more accessible,
voiceover feels like me,
a me that doesn’t have to be ‘on’ every day
or at least can be comfortably adjusted
on a non-on day
i don’t know where i’m going with this poem
if i’m actually going anywhere
but i feel inspired
i feel invigorated
and i hope to keep this feeling
(i feel like i just might)
kipventures 