my Fauci Ouchie
(parts one and two)
were (side-effect-ly) uneventful.
my kip’s, however,
were sore arm
and fever-reactive
(part one and part two
respectively)
and i wonder what my immune system
does
is
to make it so strong
(how for every cold/flu/illness
kip gets
i get half of them,
and even then
at half the intensity)
but at least
we are both doing our
due diligence
to not get this terrible,
horrible,
no good,
dirty,
bad
virus
that is still
technically
at loose.
vaccinated
activated
impervious to what 2021 can throw at me
(jk, that’s a total lie, please don’t be mean to me, 2021!)
what i’d really like is to feel like i belong somewhere again…
i found it last in the troika
and the magpies
and bst
why
do i even want to fit in
i’ve spent my life wanting to be weird,
to be against the grain
to march to the beat of my own drummer.
and i don’t really want to march to everyone else’s drummer,
far from it,
but there is a bit of a feeling of relief
when one finds that someone else can hear their own beat
that at least one other is dancing just as emphatically
empathetically
our bodies moving in similar rhythms
finding a symmetry in our differences
and i think i miss that in platonic friendships
most of all
because i do still have my spouse
dancing to our drum-beats
blues rhythms
and slinky dips
and our silly dances made up of inside jokes
but i need variety
adventure
something new
but something that connects me to more than just me
(and kip and i are, at this point, just one person, if we’re being totally honest)
but where do i find that connection
that dance
when there’s a global panda express still raging on
and i can’t seem to stop myself from observing when i meet new people
and i’m still afraid of the internet, the place most of us are meeting new people/
connecting with old
in this day and age?
i think i just want an acting gig,
as i spoke about with my scene partner for class,
a recurring role on a sci-fi series,
regular acting roles that exercise my imagination so it’s always in tip top shape
silly makeup
making use of my weird look
weird hair
(the hair that that baby said made me look like a rockstar last night)
and maybe i can connect with characters…
that is the way that i often connect,
that was the confusion my first try at college,
wasn’t it?
was i falling in love with that boy
or was i falling in love with his character
or was my character falling in love with him
or was my character falling in love with his character
and on and on and on
connections lasting as long as
a show
or a class
or a simple scene
but they were still connections
(quick/fast/dirty/just how i like ‘em)
so far, not feeling anything
[re: the ill effects of the vaccination,
except for a small soreness in my upper left shoulder meat]
so the things i vowed to do yesterday
in order to prevent them from adding to my plate today
i can actually get done today.
and yet, adding to the pile of things
that i want to do
but have yet to get done,
still
this is a pretty nice feeling:
the concept of being awake
and ready to take on a day
and do the things that need to be done
instead of avoiding them
or fearing them.
[and i know this may not last.
there are many traps i could still fall in to
and so many things on my plate,
things that i *should* do today…
but still
as of right now
everything feels
kind of…
aligned.]
kipventures 