yesterday i got the shot
yes
that shot
and the other one
and i continued to feel it
feel it
feel it
for so long
i thought discomfort and suffering
had become part of my personality
but as the vaccine reaction faded
and even though i still have a busted rib
and a busted calf for some reason
i’m not nearly as
hopeless
as i was
even earlier
today
vaccinated
June 18, 2021 (part 2)
who really is
good
at goodbyes?
~~~
when i visit new places
i associate certain parts of them
with places i’ve been before
“this area reminds me of the east side of Madison”
“this one gives me big Toronto energy”
“well, this is like if Milwaukee and Cleveland had a baby…”
on and on,
until i see something truly unique,
or i’ve been there long enough
to associate it with itself.
~~~
stomach aches
is it packing stress?
is it travel anxiety?
is it getting back into the “real” world?
or is it the apprehension of expectation for more adventure
now that we’re both vaccinated and activated?
June 7, 2021
my Fauci Ouchie
(parts one and two)
were (side-effect-ly) uneventful.
my kip’s, however,
were sore arm
and fever-reactive
(part one and part two
respectively)
and i wonder what my immune system
does
is
to make it so strong
(how for every cold/flu/illness
kip gets
i get half of them,
and even then
at half the intensity)
but at least
we are both doing our
due diligence
to not get this terrible,
horrible,
no good,
dirty,
bad
virus
that is still
technically
at loose.
May 20, 2021
vaccinated
activated
impervious to what 2021 can throw at me
(jk, that’s a total lie, please don’t be mean to me, 2021!)
what i’d really like is to feel like i belong somewhere again…
i found it last in the troika
and the magpies
and bst
why
do i even want to fit in
i’ve spent my life wanting to be weird,
to be against the grain
to march to the beat of my own drummer.
and i don’t really want to march to everyone else’s drummer,
far from it,
but there is a bit of a feeling of relief
when one finds that someone else can hear their own beat
that at least one other is dancing just as emphatically
empathetically
our bodies moving in similar rhythms
finding a symmetry in our differences
and i think i miss that in platonic friendships
most of all
because i do still have my spouse
dancing to our drum-beats
blues rhythms
and slinky dips
and our silly dances made up of inside jokes
but i need variety
adventure
something new
but something that connects me to more than just me
(and kip and i are, at this point, just one person, if we’re being totally honest)
but where do i find that connection
that dance
when there’s a global panda express still raging on
and i can’t seem to stop myself from observing when i meet new people
and i’m still afraid of the internet, the place most of us are meeting new people/
connecting with old
in this day and age?
i think i just want an acting gig,
as i spoke about with my scene partner for class,
a recurring role on a sci-fi series,
regular acting roles that exercise my imagination so it’s always in tip top shape
silly makeup
making use of my weird look
weird hair
(the hair that that baby said made me look like a rockstar last night)
and maybe i can connect with characters…
that is the way that i often connect,
that was the confusion my first try at college,
wasn’t it?
was i falling in love with that boy
or was i falling in love with his character
or was my character falling in love with him
or was my character falling in love with his character
and on and on and on
connections lasting as long as
a show
or a class
or a simple scene
but they were still connections
(quick/fast/dirty/just how i like ‘em)
April 8, 2021
Round One
Fauci Ouchie
i wake up coughing, not because i’m sick, but because the air in this house is dry af.
so on the humidifier goes, away it sends my cough, i’m back on track, to get my
Fauci Ouchie
Round One.
i have chores to do today,
as well as assignments from
job
and
class
and any other day i’d divide them up over the whole day,
maybe nap a bit before getting started,
but today
i know there is a
(small but substantial)
possibility that i may be
down for the count
because of my
Fauci Ouchie
Round One
(based entirely on averages
i am likely to not react
at all,
but based on familial anecdotes
that prospect rises
significantly.
i only have one close relative to draw from,
and he reacted very poorly,
so i’m taking that into account;
i see myself as having
basically
a fifty/fifty chance
of having no reaction vs. an incredibly poor one
and i’m trying to plan my day accordingly
around the possible aftereffects
of my
Fauci Ouchie
Round One.)
so there are chores,
things with substantial physical effort
and i’m planning those for the morning
and then
post
Fauci Ouchie
Round One
i have the simpler
less tasking
tasks:
the monologue recording,
the voiceover acting,
the ones that i can do sitting down
in my silly little closet-studio.
but also
i’ve taken the time to
plan for a bit of those pre-
Fauci Ouchie
Round One
just in case i’m so dead to the world
that i just need to sleep.
(hilariously enough
this is why i’m planning on not napping pre-
Fauci Ouchie
Round One
because i would feel silly if i took two naps in one day)
so let’s juts keep the adrenaline up,
the excitement
the prospect
of my getting my
Round One
Fauci Ouchie
out of the way
and go out into the world
(when i can)
and make it be
like
any other
time.
kipventures 