vacation

July 18, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

my shirt
still kind of smells
like all the memories
made
in Europe

unfortunately
it’s all the mundane
or slightly grungy memories
that this scent evokes

walking and walking and walking
in shirts i’d already maybe worn twice
mixing sweat with deodorant
with sunscreen
with city

i washed this shirt well
put it through an extra rinse and everything

i guess when a trip gets into the fibers of clothing
it’s sort of like a city getting into your own bones

it just won’t go
away on its own

July 13, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

organizing, hoping, working, planning
i’m waffling between excitement and dread
but the dread is the minutiae, the details, the prep
the excitement is the visit, the fun, the experiences
and how much time will i end up spending at Umami?

November 21, 2021

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i always forget
before leaving on any sort of
vacation
just how much i will
miss
new york city.

~~~

what to do
what to say
what to write
what, today?

~~~

is sleeping
in one’s
childhood bed
truly as relaxing
as it seems?

(i’ll check in after another day or so
to inform of my personal findings)

September 5, 2021 (part 2)

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original plans
were a rush
(similar to the original plans
to arrive)
but i’m being gentler on myself;
i’m allowing myself the option
to be late for things
(so long as notice is given ahead of time)
and to miss things
(again, if i make folks aware)
these are classes
they are for me,
i have paid for them
and can do with them what i choose,
i am not forever barring any potential job
if i am fully communicative
and give advanced notice
and arrive prepared when i do arrive.

because we’ve seen too much
devestation
and death
in our short lifespans
than is probably good for the mental health
so i can’t justify
freaking out
about making every single appointment
when sometimes
you need to drive a little slower in the hurricane rains
or wake up a little later
to get [as close as possible to] that full night’s rest
and have plenty of time to say goodbye
to your fam
and relax
(as much as your anxiety-riddled mind will let you)
so that you can soak up
all the lessons
in the audio-book playing
and dog sleeping
and spouse-chatting
and your own mind wandering
and wondering
and planning
and conceptualizing
and safely driving
to get to your destination
of
back
Home.

August 15, 2021

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i keep getting flashbacks
to times on vacation
and driving in a car
and i wonder if that’s when i’m most living in the moment?
do i, [as a sagittarius?] need more variety in order to feel present in the present?
is that why morning poems are starting to feel stale?
is that why i can’t seem to accomplish new things in my little acting closet?
do i just need to add a new element every time?
the stool helped, definitely…
would a visual *something* help too?
would my writing poems to different music
or after food
or on the couch
or something something something else
be *good* for me?
for my constant need for adventure
[in these days, still, of a global phenomenon]

June 14, 2021 (part 2)

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made a friend with a cicada
helped it get back on its feet
it became so excited it crawled up my arm
and stared at me while i worked on a digital zine.

made a friend with a cat
(not the cat our host expected to be needy and affectionate)
and she decided my lap was not where the laptop should go,
the lap was where she should be for the rest of the afternoon.

made a friend with another cicada
as it flew full force at my head
and landed on my bright orange hood
and refused to leave until my spouse gently pulled it off

tried to make friends with every lizard who crossed my path
but they clearly had important places to be
so i tried to let them go on their way
(but still i watched them with glaring curiosity)

September 14, 2020

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[a letter to Louka the dog]

i hope, Louka, you are enjoying this vacation
and you find it a nice respite
from the loud scary traffic of New York

and i hope, Louka, you won’t be too devastated
when, in five days, we go back home
and no longer have forests to explore
and backyard decks to hang out on
and clean breezes to fill your lungs with.

and mostly, Louka, i hope that you do love us
and in everything are having a better life
than your first six years.

September 13, 2020

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when you wear a hoodie
with a skeleton dabbing
above the word ‘depression’
in New York City
no one ever bats an eye

but when you wear a hoodie
with a skeleton dabbing
above the word ‘depression’
in small town Vermont
multiple people ask you if everything’s ok

to which you reply ‘humor is a great coping mechanism!’
and then you quickly dab your way out of the Walgreens.

September 10, 2020

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if only the heavy

[pitter]patter of the rain

falling all around us

calmed down my dog

as much

as

it excites my very being



i suppose i shall simply be content

in the fact that

she looks to us for comfort.