USA

December 31, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

one year ago i was so apprehensive
of the impending twenty twenty five

i wept the day of the eve
fearing the worst
not even letting myself hope for the best,
the best i could hope for
was survival

and i did survive this horrid year
[and had some lovely adventures
within it]

but i can’t close out this year without acknowledging
the lives lost
and livelihoods/health/sanity thrown away
due to the ultimate greed of
just a few
just a few
who make decisions
for the many
the many who
they don’t even care about

ceos
and presidents
and random fuckbags who like to set social media sites
on fire
for fun
should not have the choke-hold they do
on our society

and while i can complain
and condemn

i do not want to be like them

so instead i’ll say:
human beings matter
and deserve fair treatment
from the immigrant
to the trans child
to any person with darker skin than the congressional average —
being white
or male
or christian
or rich
or cis
does not make anyone better or more adept to make decisions for the rest;
for human beings contain multitudes
and each human knows what’s best for themselves
but not
for others
and i truly believe
if left to our own devices
and to our own community-based natures
we’d err on the side of righteousness
and kindness
so, even though twenty twenty six
may be filled with the same
cult leaders
and snake oil salesmen
and fearmongers
and dictators,
let us band together
in our local communities
to show each other
we care

[and we have the power
to say no
to white supremacist
racist
transphobic
bigoted
propaganda
disguised as
nationalistic
“history”

we can know
our own
true history
and we can work together
to make the future
so much better
than any of these old
unimaginative
dinosaurs
know what to do with]

[here’s to a wonderful
and kind
and free
2026]

April 15, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the plight of the whistleblower
is to have enough morality
that you step forward,
but to have enough tactical planning
to get yourself in the space to have the evidence
first

i wish
i wish i
wish i could be
that tactical
[or that close to valuable info]

but the moment i feel uncomfortable
morally
i either shout it out to/from the rooftops
or speed away in the opposite direction

[one of many reasons i’m never privy to any sensitive information]

i suppose i’m trying to convey that
i’m proud of anyone who can stay in a situation,
gathering,
without losing themselves

whistleblowers, you have my great respect

now if only your evidence counted for anything
in this clownshow of a government

March 28, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

what will Pride be like this year
with our government in shambles
and all the blame for
everything
placed on the shoulders of those
who pioneered the struggle and marches
that today’s parades are based on

will rainbow capitalism
make an appearance
or are we simply
closer to Sylvia and Marsha P’s era
than we ever have been
before?

[and will that help
in community-building
and getting back
to what Pride
actually means?]

June 19, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

Juneteenth
another day presented
as a celebration
for the rest/
of all of us/
to be free

but was that really what it was meant to be?

it was rebellious states’
slaves
sent on their merry way
(still sans any mule
much less forty whole acres
of stolen land)

but what about border states/
other divided propriety/
when did they
let go
of their ‘human property’

the amendment
that’s the one
that’s the final
say it and done

nope

you know better

you know slavery just got a different name

they called it “policing”

they call it “prison labor”

it’s there in black and white
in the language of the amendment itself
no abolition of slavery
could be 100% savory
in this united states of indecency
and stolen everything/everybody/every body

so let’s observe Juneteenth
not as a day of everyone’s celebration
(no matter what that one banner in that once city implies)
but as our day of learning
repairing
and not
not
not
repeating
the mistakes
of our
[not so far back]
past
ancestors.

July 4, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

welcome,
those of you who have decided
against
celebrating the us’s birthday,
glad you’ve arrived!

not to say i’ve been here that long;
i always kind of half-heartedly enjoyed
the fireworks
the cookouts
the bonfires
because
they were fun
but i never felt that loved by this country
(even after ‘marriage equality’ was bestowed upon me);
my last ‘official’ july 4th was
2019.

in 2020 i listened as
people who don’t look like me
confronted july 4th
and taught me what
holding a country accountable
could look like

in 2021 i had a quiet day;
bettering myself in an acting class
run by a
trans
woman
of color
immigrent
who let me let my
witchy poet side
rise

and this year…
this year it’ll be another quiet one.
our plans are simple:
my spouse is creating their own company
with the intention to make life better
for those who have to deal with this
capitalistic hellscape;
and i will be making art for protest–
embroidery,
and writing,
rehearsing for queer shows,
and reading more words by more folks
who don’t look like me/
who weren’t raised in the privileges i was raised/
but we still have so much in common.
and the two of us, my spouse and i,
we won’t spend any money
(except in donation
to those who need
more than we),
we’ll make our own food
and cut our own hair,
mend our own clothes,
and give each other care,
and maybe some seeds will sprout today
(both literally and figuratively)
that will give future us even more reason
to stop giving to this country
until this country gives back
to those it’s taken from.

(it’s a small protest, we know
but maybe, if you can do a little bit, too,
we might be able to dismantle
systems of oppression
bit
by bit
by bit)

so, welcome,
those of you who have decided
against
celebrating this day today,
we’re so glad you’re here.

June 19, 2022

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Juneteenth
a word i had never heard
until the summer before my
senior year in high school
when i started hanging around
Oberlin, Ohio

Juneteenth
a day i didn’t know the history of
until i had the information coming at me
from multiple sources
(my own research/
podcasts about history/
friends who loved educating)
well into my second attempt at college

Juneteenth
a celebration i don’t think i fully understood
until living in New York
through the surge of Black Lives Matter
marches
/
protests
in 2020

Juneteenth
this year
we’re hosting a small gathering of friends
and we are excited to be the ones
doing the work
hosting
cooking
serving
celebrating
because if the United States isn’t going to put on its
Big-Government-Pants
and hand out reparations owed,
we might as well start
one family at a time.

September 11, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

twenty years
it feels like less than ten
i’m still a mid-western teen at heart
trying to figure out how to live life
after witnessing that kind of trauma on live television
in my own school,
barely a month after cancer took my mom

man, that year was fucked.

~~~

the response
to 9/11
was nearly as traumatic
as the tragedy itself

instead of finding solace
and comfort
within community
we (the usa) blew it out of proportion.
we became the poster child for
acting out
(starting wars)
tantrum-throwing
(testosterone-fueled über patriotism)
and general bad blood in the world-relations stage

and the problem with the way our patriotism showed itself
(by literally shoving our ideals down other cultures’ throats)
is that it made youth like myself
not feel safe in our own country,
not feel like our representatives to the world community
truly
represented our best interests
(and yes,
with many fundamentalist factions of many other countries,
that is the same,
whether it’s oppressing lgbtq voices
or women’s voices
or a religion other than the majority…)
i simply feel a sense of
terrible
irony
that the usa invaded multiple countries
(but not the country that was actually responsible for the attack)
as a way to “loosen the oppression” on those oppressed,
but back home
the oppression
of queer,
of female-bodied,
of Black and brown and everyone of color
was growing
day
by day
by day by day by day
and the hypocrisy
of all that
feels so egregious
(but, i suppose, it always does, doesn’t it?)
(only those with the power to oppress others
will feel like theirs is the only power
to un-oppress
everyone)

~~~

it is important
to remember and honor
those who died,
but in doing so
we must also remember and honor
those who died in the endless wars
(american/soldier/and otherwise)
and those who died due to any sort of oppressive regime,
including, but certainly not limited to:
slavery,
ISIS,
AIDS,
Taliban,
Holocaust,
war on drugs,
general hate/white supremacy…
so now you see what it’s like in my brain
all the time
trying to honor and speak out against
all unnecessary deaths
and hurts
and oppression
and not entirely knowing how…

[i suppose that’s why i write poetry]

July 4, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

perhaps it’s just the folks i know up there,
but nearly everyone i know in Canada
has passed on their normal July 1 celebrations
to contemplate the bodies of indigenous children
that continue to be unearthed.

and i feel guilty that i’m not surprised.
and i feel ashamed that my country probably has ten times as much blood on its soul
(at least)
and i feel embarrassed that there is no national day of reckoning here,
no setting aside celebrations
for the purpose of confronting our relationship with the
problematic,
hardly taught,
secret history of our nation.

last year i confronted July 4th,
i marched and chanted and sat and listened
in a crowd gathered;
white folks there to learn,
Black and Brown folks there to share and celebrate.
i stared squarely into the face of what it means to be
born
on stolen ground.
i looked down at my feet,
where i expected to see myself standing on only my own accomplishments,
and finally saw the backs of Black folks i’d unintentionally climbed over,
that my ancestors had climbed over,
had climbed onto
had used (knowing or not) as a step up for themselves.

and i saw the blood on all our hands.

i watched native dances from the tribes of lands we live on now,
and i heard words from folks who chose this country over their homeland,
in spite of what it meant for their skin,
but because of what it meant for their queerness,
(though that story is also so very complicated)
and last year the only fireworks were from everyday people in the neighborhood
just letting off a little steam,
no city or state or nation led celebration,
instead individually making the ‘holiday’ what everyone wanted.
what everyone needed.

what do i do this year?

there should have been ten times as many people confronting July 4th last year,
there should be ten times more doing the internal work this year,
but i can only worry about myself and what i do.

so i’ll do my work.
i’ll continue to do my work.
though i know there’s no end in sight;
that’s what it means to be a citizen here.

June 16, 2021 (part 2)

/ HJ / Leave a comment

when one is not plagued
by friendship degradation mechanics
a special vacation
to see old friends
can nearly immediately
feel abnormally normal
to the point where
you kind of forget
where you are
or how old you are
(or everything else that has happened these last few years
when folks ask how your life has been…)

~~~

driving
still equals freedom
but the freedom
explored
in the united states of america
isn’t really that free
(when was it ever?)

~~~

how are toddlers
both
straight up babies
and tiny real humans
at the same time?

July 7, half-heartedly edited July 21, 2020

/ HJ / Leave a comment

On my rooftop I see:

1. a green tree across the street
2. a match to the folding chair under me
3. a pigeon, hopping on the next roof, its eyes as red as the
4. red brick apartment across the road
5. a treeline, it might be the park?
6. a metal fence, so I don’t fall off
7. this private rooftop terrace, that my privilege helped get me
8. satellite dishes from DirectTV
9. a/c units sticking out of 6th floor windows
10. clouds and a flash of what may be a rainbow
11. my rainbow hair blowing in the polluted wind
12. no sign nor sight of a way to make this poem end
13. sounds of busses, bodega music, wings flapping, construction; scents of the laundromat around the corner,
and wind, so much wind, against my face, feeling a chill on this hot New York afternoon, perhaps//

a loud boom, a bang, was it from the west or the east?
i strain my neck over the gate, and the only answer i see
is the smell of the garbage truck, stopped on my street.

i have so many unfinished poems written
but not the stomach to stomach the rereading.