two weeks till my birthday
one week-ish till Sagittarius season
(which, to be honest, i don’t necessarily understand what that means)
but
now
here come all the feels:
the past
the present
the future
all combining
all narrowing in
(am i ever truly on the precipice of ‘something big,’
or am i simply in tune with the entire universe
and how there are big things happening
everywhere
for everyone?)

i often think about a tumblr post i saw once
where, in the afterlife, a person learns
that they have been every creature on the earth
through every lifetime.
so everyone they were mean to,
they were mean to themselves,
everyone they were kind to,
it was also towards themselves,
and from the tiniest ant
to the biggest trillionaire
through a [non-linear] time frame
they had been
everyone.

and to me, it is both a wildly self-centered,
and truly altruistic view
of life.

if the Universe is something that we share,
then perhaps we are not all one entity
bumping around/into each other
for all eternity,
but we are at least putting forth the energy we receive…

…and if we are like an apple
(keep up, i’ve moved on to referencing a tiktok video)
who exists in the third dimension
but can only find awareness of self
in the second dimension,
is there really a fourth dimension that we (as humans) exist in,
though we only have reference to ourselves in the third?
(or fifth and fourth, respectively;
i always forget where we are
and where our awareness ends.)
then my feeling of déjà vu,
and sensation of being too much for a physical human body,
was that simply a shadow of awareness
of my whole self
within the dimension of time
as it actually is,
not this linear strand
masquerading as time
as we mortals have constructed
(time IS a mortal construction)
and then, am i getting somewhere
in my thoughts
rather than feeling
so incredibly
stuck
as a human?