communication
through memes
when our own thoughts and feelings
are too
too
too much
turning depression into art
August 22, 2024
the panic had receded
slightly
right around the trip
[maybe it’s because
i was travel-stressed
so i had no room in me
for any other stressors]
[maybe it was just the magic
of a trip
of a visit
to people i love]
whatever it was, i even felt less
the stress
of coming back here — opportunities seemed
gettable
achievable
doable
and i felt like i could march right in
to anywhere
and at least ask for what i want with my life
but now that i’m back
the existential dread has set right back in —
i barely had a day and a half
before i was sad
and panic-ridden
and overwhelmed
and lonely
in this city of millions and millions and millions
and yet i love it here
and it is definitely home
and i ache for it when i leave
how do you do this, nyc?
April 10, 2024
i feel like i have
whatever’s opposite of taking things
for granted
like i hold things as too precious
so as to prepare myself for the day
they are gone
[neither of these approaches
really help with
living in the moment though]
March 23, 2024
a sudden sad
is it the rain?
is it my own mistake
in ordering our breakfast day?
is it my hormones
being completely out of balance?
is it my mood disorder
and some sort of need to meditate?
or is it living under late-stage capitalism,
watching systems that care more for profit
than for people,
and observing tragedies,
wars,
and genocides
half a planet away
that i almost almost almost almost feel
i have some power to stop,
when in reality
i absolutely
do not?
guess it’s probably the rain…
March 21, 2024
lost
by the wayside
trapped
by the tears i cry
[a prison made of droplets
would be very asethetic
indeed]
at least there’s the smell
of cotton candy coffee
to bring me back to
this
reality
[whether or not that’s what i need
is not to be answered right now…
…probably]
March 20, 2024
overthinking
overfeeling
to the point of it all becoming
[nothing]
March 12, 2024
the emptiness
the spite
the despair
the hope that’s barely there
the human condition
that really doesn’t have to be conditional
to billionaires’ whims
there is a different way
[there always was
there always is]
March 8, 2024
another day
another desperate plea
to whatever gods may
or may not still be
to save this planet
from humanity
February 7, 2024
is my problem
not
that i’m main-character-syndrome-ing
on my own,
but looking in from the outside
as if others see me
as the main character
and expect my own struggles
to come and go
and be completed
and have a story arc
isolated to a beginning middle and an end
all nicely tied up
when everything is said and done
and i can’t understand how
i’m still living when i’ve already tried
thousands of lives
on stage and off
and how is there still more of me to see?
haven’t i already lived my story?
[there’s more
there’s more
there’s more]
February 1, 2024
it’s weird
being self-aware/
being an actor/
creating everything in my mind
for a narrative
others may never see —
because i can feel
the light dimming behind my eyes,
i can hear
the music track slow
and dip in pitch
and distort
and stop,
i can imagine
all the indications
of depression
that would be
if my life were actually
a movie
but it isn’t
and i can fake happiness so hard
even i believe it sometimes
kipventures 