November 26, 2021 (part two)

it always seems to be
the most uncomfortable room
that folks congregate into.
the coldest,
without squishy chairs,
(or distractions
from family
from conversation
from time spent together).
and we can’t help it
if
this is the room with the best table
for poetry-writing,
for programming,
and closest to the coffee machine
for an endless supply of
refills,
and the room where there is space
for projects,
for light saber lessons,
and where the view is the sunniest
and most green

November 26, 2021

there’s snow
snow outside
snow out of doors
snow dropping flakes
on my giant winter coat
designed with astronauts in mind
but it still can’t keep me completely warm
in Wisconsin Winters
and Northern Ohio Thanksgivings
and Pennsylvania Stays

but maybe,
just maybe,
when we’re back in New York
(the city)
the weather will be a bit more reasonable
and i can keep warm
and it won’t snow too much
and i can keep being excited about
NYC
instead of dreaming of
far-off
LA
NOLA
Costa Rica
places where my body feels
it was meant to be
(at least in the cold months)

November 25, 2021 (part two)

there are sad firsts:
first thanksgiving without big family
first thanksgiving without talking with my dad at dinner
first thanksgiving spent traveling

and then

there are the fun firsts:
first thanksgiving with Kip’s family
(first time all family and partners in one place at one time)
first thanksgiving solidly baking pies all day
(instead of just treating it like a social get-together)
first thanksgiving learning new traditions
(ones that the rest of the kids know so well they can recite lines from memory
before the muppets even start speaking)

and

first thanksgiving that i’m doing my best
to
appreciate family,
but hold them accountable,
and to remember the root of the ‘first’ ‘thanksgiving,’
and everything/everyone this country is built
on top of.

November 18, 2021

the stress
and hassle
of planning for a family visit
is made all the more complex
in this time of COVID.

we [the family] are all vaccinated,
but half of us work
(or have worked)
in healthcare
so we know,
we know.

so is it worth
the 8+ hour drive
with dog?
is it worth traveling
(however carefully)
through some places with
less than stellar rates?
is it worth
even going
if we have a cold?
(every illness now is
a moment of pause
even if we know it isn’t
a coronavirus)

and with the family
not all that enthused anyway
should we again,
like last year
say next year?
[next year]
[next year]

October 4, 2021

we did it
(and only a few tears)
we did it
(and there’s really not that much left
to do
in the old place)
we did it
all our stuff is now in the house!

(how have we done this
four or five times already
and still stayed together?)

(i suppose that’s why people
look up to our love???)

October 3, 2021

so much
moving/packing/driving/stress
too tired to write
a real poem

so instead
i’ll convey to you
the most beautiful thing i heard today
directly after pulling in to our new home’s driveway
the final trip of the day
from across the street
at a new neighbor’s 6th birthday party:

child (somewhere between 8 and 10)
singing (while sprinting down a long driveway):
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!!! I BE-
(the sound “oof” is heard)
(pause)
child (yelling reassuringly): I’M FINE!
(pause)
(pause)
(pause)
child (running back up the driveway toward the party)
(not quite as loud or exuberant as previously):
I believe I can fly!

September 5, 2021 (part 2)

original plans
were a rush
(similar to the original plans
to arrive)
but i’m being gentler on myself;
i’m allowing myself the option
to be late for things
(so long as notice is given ahead of time)
and to miss things
(again, if i make folks aware)
these are classes
they are for me,
i have paid for them
and can do with them what i choose,
i am not forever barring any potential job
if i am fully communicative
and give advanced notice
and arrive prepared when i do arrive.

because we’ve seen too much
devestation
and death
in our short lifespans
than is probably good for the mental health
so i can’t justify
freaking out
about making every single appointment
when sometimes
you need to drive a little slower in the hurricane rains
or wake up a little later
to get [as close as possible to] that full night’s rest
and have plenty of time to say goodbye
to your fam
and relax
(as much as your anxiety-riddled mind will let you)
so that you can soak up
all the lessons
in the audio-book playing
and dog sleeping
and spouse-chatting
and your own mind wandering
and wondering
and planning
and conceptualizing
and safely driving
to get to your destination
of
back
Home.