it is very nice
waking up on the fourth
and not being reminded
of our country’s supposed “greatness”
because we are on a whole ‘nother continent
which believes more like we do —
that the united states has done
just about
nothing
to earn the term
great
[or maybe they don’t think about our country much at all
which is, perhaps,
even better]
after walking around
and around and around
the tiny streets of Greece
trying to find one specific place
that may
or may not
be closed
an evening in a roof-top hot tub
[even if it is colder than expected]
while gazing across the way
at the lit-up acropolis
and thinking of all the birds you saw
while wandering
and all the great food you had
between your thousands of steps
that’s
the way to end a day
i still can’t get over
how much this city,
though so different
from my concrete jungle,
can remind me so much
of home
from the pigeons
and mourning doves
and stray cats
everywhere
to the instances of
so many different
languages being spoken
and written down
to its walkability
and metro system,
even the tourist traps
are cute reminders
of my home’s downtown
[feeling at home
even in a foreign city —
the story of new yorkers abroad]
the Acropolis was built
stone by stone by hand
and when it was eroded
by siege
or nature
or time
it was rebuilt
stone by stone
by hand
and these days
though the hands are working
machinery
the conservation process
is rebuilding things
to seem
as they would have been
thousands of years ago
still
stone
by
stone
being dehydrated
while walking around in Greece
is nice because
you don’t have to use the restroom
nearly as much as usual
but it’s not completely great, because
you’re dehydrated
in Greece
“seat must be occupied
during takeoff and landing”
it feels like there should be
a metaphor
in there
somewhere
but i can’t seem
to find any
allegories
currently
the panic had receded
slightly
right around the trip
[maybe it’s because
i was travel-stressed
so i had no room in me
for any other stressors]
[maybe it was just the magic
of a trip
of a visit
to people i love]
whatever it was, i even felt less
the stress
of coming back here — opportunities seemed
gettable
achievable
doable
and i felt like i could march right in
to anywhere
and at least ask for what i want with my life
but now that i’m back
the existential dread has set right back in —
i barely had a day and a half
before i was sad
and panic-ridden
and overwhelmed
and lonely
in this city of millions and millions and millions
and yet i love it here
and it is definitely home
and i ache for it when i leave
how do you do this, nyc?
picking fresh figs out of our home fig tree
happy to be home
happy to be home
drinking our tap water
that even after ten days stuck in the pipes
tastes better than the liquid calcium i had
all last week
happy to be home
happy to be home
being able to control the internal temperature
of a whole house,
hearing no upstairs neighbors,
eating fresh fresh bagels every morning,
the ability to travel
without driving and driving and driving,
just being around our own stuff
and spaces
and our animals
finally
sated
[the puppy even got to sleep in our bed with us
last night]
happy to be home
happy to be home
happy to be home
i didn’t take many photos on this trip
and i can’t tell if that was thought out
like ‘i want it to feel as though
this isn’t a special trip
it’s just like i still live here
still work here
still live and breathe this tiny bubble of a city’
or if it was a lucky happenstance
of ‘i’m having so much fun
catching up
being with these lovely people
once more, i didn’t even think of
taking a photo
to solidify this moment in time’
but either way
the few photos i have are special
but don’t have the people in them
i wish they had
but i still have the memories
of all the time i spent with
everyone
and i miss them all already
writing my feelings away
while trying not to feel them
will never work,
but i have to drive hours and hours and hours today
maybe even through the rain
and it’ll be dangerous to do that with
tears in my eyes as well,
so i’ll try to express what i can express
and leave the true unpacking and analyzing
and feeling
for another day.
kipventures 