November 25, 2021 (part two)

there are sad firsts:
first thanksgiving without big family
first thanksgiving without talking with my dad at dinner
first thanksgiving spent traveling

and then

there are the fun firsts:
first thanksgiving with Kip’s family
(first time all family and partners in one place at one time)
first thanksgiving solidly baking pies all day
(instead of just treating it like a social get-together)
first thanksgiving learning new traditions
(ones that the rest of the kids know so well they can recite lines from memory
before the muppets even start speaking)

and

first thanksgiving that i’m doing my best
to
appreciate family,
but hold them accountable,
and to remember the root of the ‘first’ ‘thanksgiving,’
and everything/everyone this country is built
on top of.

November 24, 2021 (part two)

Family means so much
to so many people

my genetic relatives profess
Family
as the utmost of all people
those who have your back no matter what
the only humans you can truly count on
(most of them still live within a thirty minute drive of each other to this day.)

my friends, my community, unaccepted within their blood kin
find Found Family
to love them
without reservation
without expectation
without conditions
and count on each other

i am lucky enough to have both
blood and non-blood relations
who love me
unconditionally
but that brings with it
division of time
of love
of feelings
of celebrations

(and it is only the Family from birth
who saw me grow as i did
which is sometimes a good thing
and sometimes a not so good thing;
and there are memories,
sometimes lovely
sometimes hard
when in their company)

but

there is an awfully grand sense of growing
when i am able to fully help with the labor
i only ever messed up or ignored
as a child;
and to be able to pass that on to
the children younger than myself…

that feeling, it’s

Indescribable.

September 5, 2021 (part 2)

original plans
were a rush
(similar to the original plans
to arrive)
but i’m being gentler on myself;
i’m allowing myself the option
to be late for things
(so long as notice is given ahead of time)
and to miss things
(again, if i make folks aware)
these are classes
they are for me,
i have paid for them
and can do with them what i choose,
i am not forever barring any potential job
if i am fully communicative
and give advanced notice
and arrive prepared when i do arrive.

because we’ve seen too much
devestation
and death
in our short lifespans
than is probably good for the mental health
so i can’t justify
freaking out
about making every single appointment
when sometimes
you need to drive a little slower in the hurricane rains
or wake up a little later
to get [as close as possible to] that full night’s rest
and have plenty of time to say goodbye
to your fam
and relax
(as much as your anxiety-riddled mind will let you)
so that you can soak up
all the lessons
in the audio-book playing
and dog sleeping
and spouse-chatting
and your own mind wandering
and wondering
and planning
and conceptualizing
and safely driving
to get to your destination
of
back
Home.

September 4, 2021

can i concentrate?
should i hang out in Cleveland today?
how long will travel take tomorrow?
can i make my class?
why is my main/sole deciding factor
in most/all things
how it will impact others
instead of knowing at all
what do i want?

(at least this bird clock
still amuses me so)

September 3 (part 2)

nature:
turkeys
sleeping bees
talk of ticks
pine cones
sandstone
and
sunlight
and shade
and everywhere in between
broken branches
stampeeded weeds
dewy wet grass
and the great expanse of sky and clouds

not nature:
massive amounts of coffee
protein bars
pink and purple hair dye
tiktoks and youtubes to pass the time
plastic bottle spray paint art projects
frozen twix bars
zoom workouts
and online ordered Indian food

mix the two
and you have a solid foundation
for a much-needed mini-vacation
[with the fam]