April 10, 2024

i feel like i have
whatever’s opposite of taking things
for granted

like i hold things as too precious
so as to prepare myself for the day
they are gone

[neither of these approaches
really help with
living in the moment though]

February 17, 2024

maybe
one upon a time
i was happy
i was healed
i was a child without trauma
but now
i gotta
know it
own it
be it
and maybe work towards
getting back to the child we all
once were

[but why
can i not
think of children
without thinking of
every
single
child
killed by israel]

[i really can’t think of anything anymore
without finding a parallel
to the tragedy
in Palestine]

February 21, 2023

the concept of community scares me

and i know the ancestors of this land
would balk
at that self-assessment

but i bet white supremacy would smile

feeling/being only beholden to oneself
makes for
either
one great bootstraps story
or
one of many that the upper-crust doesn’t have to deal with
other than as
stepping stones

but i was born and raised in this society
that values individuality above all else
and insists that, even within social standing
that place is precarious at best
(imagine entire books/movies/tv episodes
about a whole friend group
turning against you
for no reason other than
they can)
so to be solidly a part of a posse
you should be the one holding
all the power

that isn’t sustainable
that isn’t healthy
that isn’t the way humanity should be

but

i’ve lived it

multiple times

so please, caretakers of turtle island
i feel whispering in my flailing mind
from time to time,
forgive me as i resist the concept of community
and rely on only myself
and my spouse
for literally everything–
i’m only doing what i was taught
for the first 30 or so years of my life
and experienced from others
taught the same way…

my heart is vulnerable
but quite willing
to learn

October 24, 2022

i wonder
if my mother
would have been great
at getting my pronouns
right

would she have stood up for me
at family gatherings
corrected people
when i wasn’t near
would she have been
the ally
i needed
to come out
with a bang
instead of this subtle
exhausting
whispered
coming out
over
and over
and over
again
every time
a ‘she’ is uttered
or a ‘ladies’ is announced
or any of those microaggressions
my gender dysphoria
insists
are actual aggression

i don’t know
i wish i knew
but i really don’t

she was an ally of all queer folks she knew
(I know 100% she’d have been to my wedding
would have celebrated like the world was ending
when she knew mine was just beginning
because that’s just the way she was)
but gender is somehow harder
and the in-between confuses even the best
of allies
and i don’t want to put her up on a pedestal
nor do i want to underestimate her devotion
to a me she never got to see

i only knew her for eleven and three quarters years
and i have memories of less
she is both the person i was closest to
and the biggest mystery of my life

and i just wish
i could guess
what it would be like
to have her
stand up
for me

August 27, 2022

a memory
failing me
at every opportunity

or

is it protecting me?
is it saving me from the agony
of solid knowledge
and pain?

because

isn’t that what a trauma response is?
just the brain and/or body
trying their hardest
to save the heart
from hurt?

July 10, 2022

they say
not to judge
because you never know
what someone
might be going through

but i’d adjust that
ever so slightly
to say
don’t judge someone
because you never know what someone
might be going
or still be going
through

because
there may be some
who
if you know their current life
well
they could bee going through
a whole ton
of good
but still
their mind is trying
to make sense
of a hardship
that happened
years and years before;
whether because
childhood trauma tends to stunt
the receiver
at that age
until healing can fully
occur,
or because they may have gone through
a whole ton of shit
at once
and they needed to only unpack
one traumatic suitcase
at a time
so now’s the time
to look into
not only what happened
so long ago
but also what holding on to it
for so long
made them feel,
or maybe they simply have never gotten
the help
(professional or otherwise)
they needed
to get through that thing.

so i suppose what i’m trying to say
is don’t judge other people.

that being said,
i offer love and compassion
to a point–
i don’t really care how many traumas you
were exposed to
at whatever age,
if you start taking your rage
out on folks
who have less than you,
who your power holds
a tight strangle-hold over,
and you don’t offer them
the compassion i’m offering you,
that offer is rescinded.
and keep your damn legislation
off of the backs
of Black,
Indigenous
folks,
people of color,
especially those who you deem ‘lesser than’
because they can
create life inside,
and especially
especially
get your laws away
from trans folks,
particularly trans children,
who are just trying to survive
in this life
that could be a joy
if you’d just let it.
and of course
maybe, just maybe, let us
have some healthy Earth
to give to future generations.

May 12, 2022

does anyone else
treat this life like a dress rehearsal,
like a rough draft,
like some sort of practice run
and keep, in their minds,
a running track of all their regrets
so that when it comes time
to actually perform/publish/play
‘for real’
they can do
life
‘right’
?

(or is that just my trauma response?)

May 2, 2022

it became so much easier
to talk about my drive
to take care of others
when i thought of it as
a trauma response
from childhood.

when approached as something
stemming from the
‘goodness of my own heart’
something akin to being
‘just a good person’
or the source being
‘simply my selfless, altruistic self’
then the ache i felt when i wanted others
to drop everything
and care for me
(the way i did them)
stopped being so disturbingly
selfish/bad person/greedy-hearted
and instead became a warning sign
that i still needed to heal my inner child,
and the care i gave others
wasn’t, in fact, a choice or a personality trait
but was a compulsion driven from a place
of needing what i gave.

April 11, 2022

sensing
something
is off

is it simply
from poems
not written with the sunrise
but instead surrounded by the setting sun?

or is it something far less poetical?

could it simply be
the chemicals in my brain
and my own continuing responses to trauma long since passed
and an inner monologue that rarely has words
but when those words appear
they are insistences that i am the worst
and worth nothing
not even an attempt at self-love?

the problem with my form of depression
is that i so rarely am able to conceptualize
the opposite emotion while drowning in one

so when i’m doing ok
i’m actually, legitimately, doing ok
and it seems bizarrely unthinkable
that i could ever be this sad,
and my actions reflect that;
talking with people,
energy to do the things i want to do
(and i enjoy doing them, too),
telling my therapist about the minor inconveniences to my day
and how i thought through them so well
and how i think i’m finally getting through my depression
intelligently
and healthily

but when the real depression hits
all that happiness seems so cheaply bought
and like i was never really in a body that found
energy
or enjoyed anything
(particularly socialization)
and i can talk myself out of any positive spin
and i can talk myself into any desperation
(but i’m still really good
and appearing fine
for therapists)

and i never really know how to go about
expressing
depression.
i know it’s trailblazing,
world-shifting,
to be honest about it;
i boast ‘mental health matters’
and boost ‘it’s ok to not be ok’
and i want to be the change i wish to see
in the world
but my deepest depression
feels private,
and i honestly don’t know
if i’m ashamed
by a society
that only listens to mental illness
when it’s already passed and gone,
when the recovery looks linear
and one can talk about that overwhelming sadness
as something from the past
(i get it;
it’s far less scary and uncontrollable that way),
or if my depression is actually just
private
feeling
to me
and only me
(or,
a third option
i hadn’t realized
until just now:
if this is what my depression does to me;
it sends me signals that i am the only one
to deal with it
as a way to separate myself
further
from those around me;
my isolation is one of the biggest
baddest
boldest
hardest
symptoms to overcome…
so perhaps it’s not society
or self
(or perhaps it’s not solely those two)
perhaps it’s the depression itself
telling me
to be alone
and lonely
and to perpetuate
the cycle
of never wanting to ask for help
so never asking for help
so furthering on the depression
ad infinitum)

a revelation
a eureka moment
about this desperate sadness
i feel
cyclically
without warning
a drowning…
but maybe this knowledge
is something
that might keep my head above water
one more
day