tired

July 11, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the writing this morning is coming along
slowly

i’m writing at a fine pace
but my brain is having a hard time catching up
and accepting the words i’m
placing down

i don’t feel slow
i feel
segmented

the fingertips will make a decision
and the brain won’t get involved
until the eyes finally look and read
and then the brain says
“hell no”
and we start all over again

with new words
new topics
new fingertips leading this time

how am i supposed to get morning poetry done
in these conditions?

June 4, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

why
why
why must i keep waking up
in the 5:00 hour
when i don’t actually need to be getting out of bed
until 7am?

is it the sunlight? is it the stress? is it my body craving more time in the day?
is it the heat? is it the animals? is it my to-do list screaming me awake?
is it dehydration? overhydration? is it the caffeine coursing through my veins?

how much how much how much is my body in charge
vs. the external situation(s)
vs. me

April 23, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the brain can’t seem to parse
what words are words
and what words are not
this dawning morning

confusing dreams keep shifting by
like memories i’d
forgotten, like
the sands of time making imagery
in a jar

if i nap
and sleep
and dream
again
will that put me right
or go further into
wrong-ness territory?

[only one way to test and tell]

April 22, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i had a moment the other day
when the clarity came over me
and i knew i wanted to re-read all my poetry
and put together
a book or a zine or a something
to publish
myself or sent
and i had the energy in that moment
to do it
all

and now

now i’m so tired again…

why is my brain
so certain in one moment
of one
thing, and then in the next
absolutely
factually
sure
about
the
opposite???

April 10, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i am so tired
i am so
damn
tired

i don’t want to do anything today
except nap

[except i have so much
so much i gotta do
today]

guess i gotta drink coffee
drink water
get started
and hope i have time for a nap
later
later
later

February 16, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

feeling like i just want to fall asleep
and stay asleep
at any given moment
of any given day

and is it depression?

is it the exhaustion of an
active allergic reaction?

am i just a little bit less
energetic
than the average
person?

could it be something i’m not even thinking of
yet?

or do i just want to spend my days lost in my own imagination land?

[and
could i bring that imagination
into my own waking
writing
life
sometime?

soon?

please?]

February 15, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

here i thought it was the
‘having an actual regularly scheduled job’
that was making the days long
and the nights
rough
but i think it’s actually this
unknown
allergy
type
thing

because it’s hard to be awake
and itchy and inflamed
and it’s hard to fall asleep
not knowing what your body is going to do to you
next

October 19, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

this whole experience
[even after only one week]
has been wild

honestly

just from a ‘working a regular old 9-5’ perspective

because, damn if i haven’t craved the weekend
with the hunger of a hundred vampires
as my only chance to truly
truly truly truly
relax

[unfortunately, this first weekend was quite…
full]

[maybe next weekend i can
sleep]