feeling like i just want to fall asleep
and stay asleep
at any given moment
of any given day
and is it depression?
is it the exhaustion of an
active allergic reaction?
am i just a little bit less
energetic
than the average
person?
could it be something i’m not even thinking of
yet?
or do i just want to spend my days lost in my own imagination land?
[and
could i bring that imagination
into my own waking
writing
life
sometime?
soon?
please?]
here i thought it was the
‘having an actual regularly scheduled job’
that was making the days long
and the nights
rough
but i think it’s actually this
unknown
allergy
type
thing
because it’s hard to be awake
and itchy and inflamed
and it’s hard to fall asleep
not knowing what your body is going to do to you
next
a poem to call to waking
the brain that’s still sedated
for what is more startling
than words not expecting
and an intellectual search in the mind-house
this whole experience
[even after only one week]
has been wild
honestly
just from a ‘working a regular old 9-5’ perspective
because, damn if i haven’t craved the weekend
with the hunger of a hundred vampires
as my only chance to truly
truly truly truly
relax
[unfortunately, this first weekend was quite…
full]
[maybe next weekend i can
sleep]
dazed
waking up at 5:45
on purpose
[awake far before that]
when am i going to be able to get
a full night’s sleep
into my body
consistently???
so tired
so sleepy
so nervous
so alive
i’m just writing words
and the minute i move on
to the next line, the words above
seem to fade from my mind
immediately
i wonder if this is going to be
simply the state of
today
can i sleep
for a week
and regain my ability
to be a person
throughout a day?
crabby
cranky
for no other reason than
dreams
but here i am
feeling real feelings
based on speculative happenings
all made up by my own mind
what a silly thing this
human existence is
wow
so tired
barely able
to get words out
before being distracted
by something sleepy
like big yawns or
just gazing off
into nothing
so tired
wow
kipventures 